The seven types of people you’ll encounter on LinkedIn

We’ve all wanted to murder a success story student at least once

LinkedIn is an app that most students who are thinking about further education or their careers post-university are bound to have heard of or used. For those completely in the dark, don’t worry – it’s just a way for smart people to intimidate us all just a little bit more.

Known amongst students as the most millenially “rise and grind” form of social media, LinkedIn is a great way to share professional achievements, network with employers and colleagues, and start job hunting.

Whether you are an active user of LinkedIn, or browse your feed every once in a while when the “Congratulate Oscar for starting his new spring internship” notifications get too much to ignore, you’ve definitely seen a few different types of people on the app.

Here are the seven types of people you are bound to have stumbled across on your LinkedIn scrolling journey:

1. The inactive student with a half-complete profile

Have you ever found accounts on LinkedIn that typically don’t have a profile picture, and contain the bare minimum amount of information required for the account to actually be made? Well, this is typically the student that had never even thought about using LinkedIn until their friends peer-pressured them into it.

So naturally they download the app, make an account, add the basic information, and then don’t touch their account for months. I can almost see the tumbleweed rolling across the screen now.

On a serious note, if your account is barren and incomplete, then there isn’t much point in having the account in the first place. So if you fall into this category, hi, we see you, hurry up and start filling in that profile. It’s worth it, and even if you don’t get a job from LinkedIn directly, you can connect with people that work in industries you are interested in and ask for advice.

2. Hardcore head-hunters

Speaking of recruiters, there are tons of recruiters and head-hunters that will send you InMails for internships or graduate roles. Whether it’s spam or not is the most fun part of the game – I see you’re offering me a role in some tech start-up when I’ve specifically put my English lit degree at the top of my profile, so I’m just wondering how you got there.

As for the legit ones, if you are interested in the role available, make sure to respond to them and ask for more information. You never know, if you get an offer for the role, this could be the start of your professional career and could put you on the career ladder.

3. The DM creepers trying to ask you out

Now this one can be really annoying. We thought we’d escaped the unprofessional sugar daddy pleas from Instagram, and now they’re popping up on your LinkedIn profile of all places. This is not the place to slide into the DMs, Charlie working as an intern for Goldman Sachs.

We don’t want to open our messages to find someone trying to ask us out multiple times and saying we look hot in our profile picture. Please just take the hint and stop, we don’t want to have to block you. Yours truly, everyone on LinkedIn.

4. The success story student

This is the student that, every time you log on, seems to have started another incredible internship or graduate job. The minefield of posts starting with “I’m delighted/pleased to announce that” is terrifying to navigate, and while you’re happy for them doing ten times better than you in life, we end up comparing ourselves to them at every given opportunity.

They add insult to the injury when the internship or graduate role is complete, and they post again talking about how great the opportunity was and thanking individuals that have helped them along the way. We get it Jane, you’ve been an A* student and the president of 15 societies since you were six.

If you fall into this category, though, you absolutely have the right to be proud of yourself for the things you’ve worked for. Whether you’ve just graduated, got your dream job or secured a career-starting internship, you are girl-bossing too close to the sun and we are all in awe of that.

Just be prepared for the ominous waves of success story posts, in the autumn and winter about job offers, and in the summer about graduation.

On the flip side, you may also find people that do the exact opposite. They will post about their failures because they are always seeing success stories and want to shed some light on the reality of trying to get an internship or graduate role, especially during the pandemic. Nothing but respect to these people for saving our mental health.

5. The motivational story posters

We have all seen the typical motivational stories posted by LinkedIn users, that pop up on our feed because some of our connections have reacted to the post. And no, it’s not all those “I saw an old man that needed help on my way to an interview” meme posts that literally couldn’t be more cliche and annoying if they tried.

In the case of genuine stories, you have no clue who this person is but you feel proud for said stranger on the internet, and maybe the story motivates you to achieve something you’ve been working towards. Everyone loves a good motivational story.

I’ve also seen stories that have resulted in recruiters offering an interview or discussion for a job role, so maybe it’s a good way to put yourself out there. Although I would say to only post a motivational story if it is genuine and actually happened. Lying about such things is a no-go on LinkedIn, so stop going on about the dog that ended up being your interviewer.

6. The poll creator who thinks they’re an influencer

More and more people have started posting polls on LinkedIn. You’ll typically see ones like “Should internships be paid or unpaid?” and “What programming languages do you use?”. It can be interesting to see people’s choices and read debates in the comments.

Although when you’ve seen multiple other people post the same poll, you start to wonder if they are only posting it to up their engagement and draw more attention to their profile. It can be difficult to figure out who is genuinely interested in the results and who is focused on boosting their own profile, because we do live in a dog-eat-dog world and, as Olivia Rodgrio so aptly puts it, it really is brutal out here.

I hate to say it John, but you’re not suddenly an influencer because 50 people reacted to your “this or that” post between cats or dogs.

7. The re-poster

Finally we have the re-poster, which is quite self-explanatory. All of their posts are basically just reposted content from other people, to the point where you wonder if they ever post about themselves.

If you fall under any of these categories, no shade, we’re all just trying to live our lives in the perpetually scary real world of grinding for a job. Well, unless you try and ask people out in their DMs, then yes shade.

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