In Rod we trust

The only NUS candidate worth voting for.


Inanimate Carbon Rod could be set to become the next big thing in student politics after announcing his candidacy for the National Union of Students presidency.

Mr Rod, who has the support of a number of high profile backers from Springfield Nuclear Power Pant and NASA, including Buzz Aldrin, is attempting to become the first inanimate object to hold the position since its creation in 1922.

Rod perhaps hasn’t got any health and safety tips from JFK.

In his manifesto Rod states that he will “represent all students” and will not engage in “sarcasm, aggression or inaccessible language” due to the fact that he is an inanimate rod and therefore “incapable of having or displaying emotion.”

These pledges seem to have already struck a chord with influential members of UCLU, with Rod’s facebook page liked by Democracy and Communications Officer Sam Gaus and Environment and Ethics Officer Natasha Gorodnitski.

His list of achievements so far in his career are impressive, such as “wearing medals” and “jamming the space shuttle doors” and he already has experience in politics, having been President of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Workers Union since 1997.

“One more medal than you, Chessum!”

One policy, however, might prove to be a sticking point for many potential backers. Mr Rod advocates “working with activists and staff in Student Unions across the UK, turning their Unions into factories to assemble pieces of the Students’-Workers’ Bomb.”

Some observers have suggested that such a campaign pledge is “tongue in cheek” but it remains to be seen whether or not a candidate endorsing terrorism alongside peaceful means can be successful without some form of power-sharing agreement.