Here are four ways to spot a fresher in Lincoln, according to a third year

Okay, we’ll level with you – freshers aren’t monsters. In fact, the only thing scary about them is their uncanny knack to make you stop and go: “Oh, wow. That was me like, literally a week ago.” 

Except it wasn’t literally a week ago, Suzie Second-year. It was an entire year ago. 365 whole days. Isn’t that crazy? God forbid you’re a third-year reading this, or a Master’s student, maybe even a lecturer. Watching the freshers run around all doe-eyed must make you all feel old. 

Without any further adieu, let’s dive headfirst into this list of four ways to easily spot a fresher.

1. Pack mentality

The vast majority of freshers will be living away from home, in a brand new place for the very first time. You might have been the big cheese back in your hometown of 30,000 people – but here at university, you’re just another piece of very small cheese on a very big charcuterie board. Most freshers will instinctually make one of two choices: Strike it out on your own as a solo-cheese, or find some other small pieces of cheese and join together to become one big block of cheese.

So, the first pro tip for spotting freshers? Just keep an eye out for someone on their own looking lost, or several people together looking lost. Ding, ding, ding, they’re probably freshers.

2. The lost sheep

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I’m sure we all came home from our first day of classes and had an anecdote surrounding a lost student with our flatmates. Well, as luck would have it- that lost student was probably a fresher. Think about it. Wasn’t your first day at the uni confusing? There are a thousand buildings, all of them with confusing acronyms and you’ve never been to any of them.

Of course, some people are going to get lost, it’s only natural. You can bet your bottom dollar that most of those innocent lost sheep were freshers, though.

3. Loudness

This one is nice and simple. Picture this: You’re all tucked into bed on a Friday night on St. Marks, still too hungover from last year’s freshers week to even think about going out and BANG! A cascading symphony of eardrum-shattering giggles and screams, backed up by a delightful orchestra of horrendous trap music being blared out of three different bluetooth speakers. Who else is making that racket but the freshers?

4. The crazy spending habits

Okay so: you’re in a mad rush to get across the arts bridge and to the Minerva Building for a class that starts in seven minutes. You have no time to stop, for every second you’re distracted 12 more people pile on to those horrendously narrow staircases. You’ve finally broken through the foot traffic and you’re en route to the second horrendous staircase. You’re going to make it. Then, fate intervenes . You overhear someone say: “Yeah I got my bread for £3.95 in M&S, it’s really affordable actually.”

That’s it. Your momentum is gone. You stop in your tracks, flabbergasted by the audacity of someone bragging about spending four whole pounds (give or take) on bread. Your day is ruined. You may as well just drop out, you’re never going to recover from the emotional rollercoaster of overhearing a stranger’s ludicrous spending habits. Who else but a fresher would make such an egregious error in financial judgement?

And that’s it. Now all you know exactly how to spot a fresher in the wild and maybe see how you used to be a year or two ago. It’s humbling, isn’t it?

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