How to get a date before Valentine’s Day

Trusty advice on how to bag yourself a date this Friday

Everyone’s least favourite holiday is just around the corner, but you don’t have to spend it alone – The Tab is here to help! Follow our five step guide and you’ll be loved up in time for the 14th, no problem.

Step one: choose your victim

Pick your desired date carefully. We’re not looking for Mr Right today, just Mr Right Now. Is there someone in your seminars you’ve had your eye on? Maybe someone you exchanged numbers with at Superbull last week? If they look like they’d offer to pay for your dinner, they’re probably the person you’re looking for!

Step two: lure them in

If you’re trying to attract the female sex, they can usually be bribed with Topshop vouchers or discount codes. Maybe have a trail of them leading to your front door. To bring all the boys to your yard – Kelis may have favoured the milkshake, but we’ve found that the smell of cooking meat usually brings them in a lot quicker.

Step three: drop very heavy hints

“Oh have you seen that new movie/eaten at that restaurant/gone to that club night yet? Me either! We should go together, but the only time I’m free in the next three months just happens to be on Valentine’s Day.” Totally subtle. They’ll never cotton on until it’s TOO LATE.

Step four: bump into them, a lot

If that doesn’t work, for whatever reason, there’s something called the “proximity breeds attraction effect” – that is, the more you see someone, the more they’ll fancy you. So try and memorise their schedule so you can casually bump into them in town, at uni, right outside their halls…

“Oh these are your bushes that I’ve been hiding in all day? What a coincidence!”

Step five: move in for the kill

By this stage, they definitely want you and have probably asked you out already. If they haven’t, they might just be shy, and are waiting for you to make the first move. This is your opportunity to go for it – what’s the worst that could happen?

If you’ve followed this foolproof guide and still find yourself without a date, maybe you’re the problem. Don’t worry though – by the 15th, all the Valentine’s chocolates will be down to half price. Every cloud has a silver lining, I suppose.

I can buy my own chocolates!! That’s independence right there!