A rundown of all the places to do the deed on Leeds Uni campus this Valentine’s

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, we started to think about all the things students at Leeds Uni can do to show how much they appreciate their partners. From brunch at LS6, to cocktails in town, or even a Bakery164 date on the Parkinson steps, the options for romance are endless.

But aside from all that wholesome stuff, we thought nothing says “love” more than a quickie in Eddy B. Then we found some knickers on campus the other day, which reminded us some of you are probably incredibly horny and looking for places to do bits on campus.

So with all that in mind, we bring you a list of the best places to shag on campus:

M&S pants, very fancy

Eddy B toilets

I’m going to guess this is the most common place people have shagged on campus. After all, the loos in Eddy B are no stranger pleasure (of course, we are referring to the legendary Eddy B Wanker), so it seems only natural they’d be the go-to place to get down to business on campus.

I can picture it now. You’re growing tired of reading, and the average-looking man across from you definitely just gave you “the look”. You slam down Louis Althusser’s Ideology and Ideological State Apparatuses and both head to the Level 10 disabled toilet for a well-earned study break.

Look, if you shag in the Eddy B toilets, you’re obviously wilder than I am, but you’re still the tamest of the bunch.

Fruity

Nobody – and I repeat, nobody – wants to see some fresher getting railed whilst they’re trying to enjoy Katy Perry Fireworks and an orange VK in peace. Whether it’s in the pit or in the loos, this has massive fresher vibes. We’re not in year 10 anymore. Your mum isn’t gonna be angry if you bring a girl home. Take her back to Central Village, Monty, and spare our eyes the violation.

Fruity goodness

Old Bar toilets

A Union option with slightly more class, old bar toilets are a great place for a shag. They’re usually pretty empty and clean, so really not a bad shout for a quickie on campus, and you can grab a beer after. What’s not to love?

Roger Stevens

If you shag in one of the lecture theatres, literally no one would ever find you, so this one’s a great shout.

It’s a maze in here

Roger Stevens Pond

If you do anything in the pond, it’s a flex. I may or may not have been in the Roger Stevens pond once during my uni career so far; however, shagging in the pond is surely the biggest flex of them all. If you can keep the ducks and fish at bay, I imagine this saucy rendezvous would have exactly the same energy as a romantic skinny dip in Sorrento on a summer’s eve.

How romantic…

Great Hall

Nothing says “fuck you” to uni like doing the deed on the stage where we will graduate from paying thirty grand for a predominantly online degree. Is this or is this not the biggest power move of them all?

Humungous dick energy shagging in here

The stairs out the back of Terrace

You know, the metal ones down towards Charles Morris? This spot is perfect after a few cheap cocktails in Terrace. Probably private, and certainly classy xo.

Charles Morris Halls

It’s 11.30pm in a Hyde Park basement. The LED lights are on and the drinking games are flowing. Someone says “never have I ever shagged on campus”. You drink, reminiscing the time you went back to Petronella’s flat in Charles Morris after Mischief once in first year. Geographically, we can’t deny this is on campus, but it makes you look a fraudster and a try-hard by trying to claim this as an on-campus shag.

Charles Morris is probably your best bet if you want to tick having sex on campus off your Leeds Uni bucket list, but it’s nowhere near as impressive as the next one.

Everyone you’ve shagged here is called Tallulah, Tilly, or Tabitha

St George’s Field

Big Bridgerton vibes if you manage it in one of the outbuildings. Big necrophilia vibes if it’s amongst the gravestones.

Brotherton

Someone gave an anonymous tip-off that the basement is genuinely a decent place to shag. But, Brotherton is a pretty varied one in terms of how good a place it is to get it on with a sexual partner. In the main dome in Brotherton and you’re a God. On level five, amongst the engineering books, and you’ll probably have an asthma attack due to all the dust.

Bonus points if you shag on the sex plinth in the middle

That walkway from engineering into campus

I don’t know how much uni spent on this new route but no one ever walks this way, so you’d probably only be seen by a couple of rats.

So, you horny lot, DM us on Instagram if you manage to shag in these locations – we wanna hear all about it.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Crazy Stupid Leeds: A singles’ guide to Valentine’s

• A definitive ranking of every dingle Bakery164 sandwich

• Here are all the best places for a first date in Leeds