We tried the poshest items in the LUU Co-op
Maybe kale is a good idea after all
If you, like me, are useless at time management and live a 15-minute walk away from the nearest supermarket, you’ll spend a lot of time in the Union Co-op. In between the £1 coffees (god bless) and the £2 cheese sandwiches, you might also find a number of rogue posh items – the chia seed juice, the elderflower lemonade. The Co-op foods that wish they were Waitrose foods. I’ve tried them all, so you don’t have to.
Each item has been given a rating out of 10 on taste, value for money and general poshness, and a final verdict by me. Obscure ingredients mean deducted points. I have limited hours in my day and I cannot be bothered to google what chickpea flour is.
Healthy, expensive and (mostly) vegan – it’s the LUU Co-op posh list 2021. Scroll down, try an item and forget, for a fleeting moment, what cheese on toast tastes like.
Also, I can’t go back there because in the process of buying stuff for this review I dropped a carton of carrot soup on the floor and it exploded. Rest in peace x
Lärabar Choc chip cookie dough fruit and nut bar
Look, I will not say this didn’t taste nice. It did. I would absolutely buy it again when I can afford it. It doesn’t taste like cookie dough, though. It tastes like someone put chocolate chips in a fruit and nut bar, named it “cookie dough” and hoped for the best. Please can someone tell healthy people that’s not how this works.
Final verdict: Just get a Ben and Jerry’s. 5/10
If you’re really posh, you’ll call it San Pelle, which makes it sound like somewhere you’d go on holiday and not nightmare-flavoured lemonade.
Final verdict: If you drink this, I’m sorry. 2/10
Cawston Press Elderflower Lemonade
Tastes like the idea of fruit.
Final verdict: Head empty, no thoughts. 5/10
Renourish Immunity Kale, Turmeric and Spinach Soup
Kale, the trusted favourite of mums all over Surrey, now in convenient soup form. The colour of this is, quite frankly, terrifying. I’ve never seen a more violent shade of green in my entire life, and I live in Devon. Other than that, quite nice if you’re hungover and want to feel smug about your life choices.
Final verdict: Healthy and slightly obnoxious, like your flatmate who jogs at 7am. 7/10
WOW Chia orange, carrot and mango chia seed drink
I hate to be too close to the tradition of posh girls called Ella, but I actually quite liked this. I expected it to remind me of gross carroty frogspawn, but it just made me think of bubble tea. Also it has loads of nutritional info on the front, which is great for when your term-time diet consists mainly of vodka and cheese on toast. I’m not sure I understand what omega-3 does but I’m pretty sure it won’t give me a hangover.
Final verdict: Not bad. 7/10
Moju Ginger shot
I read somewhere that these were quite good illness/hangover cures. I tried this on a day when I had tonsilitis and felt like I was at death’s door and I have to admit it did actually make me feel a bit better. The price didn’t, though. Also has a very spicy aftertaste, which is great fun. I saw my life flash before my eyes for a minute.
Final verdict: Thought I would hate this and I don’t. Weird. 6/10.
Literally almost all of the juices, but especially the cold-pressed ones
Do we really need more cold-pressed juices? What does cold-pressed even mean? I thought juice was cold anyway? What’s the alternative – warm juice? I have many questions, and no answers. I am cold and pressed just thinking about this.
Final verdict: £4 for a bottle of smoothie makes me sad. 4/10
Yo! Sushi Poké Bowl
This is the one occasion where I might hesitantly admit that a £5 (FIVE POUND) Co-op meal is worth it. I cannot afford this because I get drunk and make stupid online purchases, but if you can I would highly recommend.
Final verdict: I have no money and I really love sushi. 9/10
Pollen + Grace Mexican Bean Veg Box
You can actually warm some of these Pollen + Grace salads up, which is quite cool. This made me feel very on top of my life, like one of those girls who own bullet journals and go to the gym at 7am. I wanted to be a hater and say this tasted bland and nasty but truthfully it was actually very good.
Final verdict: Rah. 8/10
Equinox Ginger Kombucha
This tastes like a mix of ginger and vinegar, which from description sounds absolutely gross, but I genuinely can’t decide whether I liked this or not.
Final verdict: I’m sorry to let you all down but I literally do not have one. 5/10
Candy Kittens Wild Strawberry Sweets
You can tell that these are posh because a) they’re owned by everyone’s favourite posh boy, Jamie Laing, and b) they call it “Wild Strawberry” instead of just “Strawberry”. For some reason I expected these to be chewy (they aren’t). Also, for sweets literally labelled ‘Wild Strawberry’, I didn’t massively get strawberry vibes, which was sad.
Final verdict: Jamie, where’s the flavour?? 6/10
And finally, the £3.50 meal deal
Look, I have an A-level in Economics. I have a hazy impression of how price inflation works. That does not make me forgive the Co-op for landing us with this – neither meal nor deal. No one can tell me these should not be on the Co-op posh list.
Final verdict: Points added for convenience, deducted for costing the best part of four quid. 6/10