We worked out how much it really costs to be a Charles Morris wanker
It’s not just the rent that costs, the lifestyle’s pricey too
There are many upsides to living with the elite in the most subscribed halls in Leeds. Lectures are just around the corner, there’s no need to cook anything, ever, and you’ve got a plush double bed and en suite bathroom. But it’s not just the rent you have to pay if you’re a a Charles Morris wanker.
The rent is terrifying
An en suite room in Storm Jameson Court is around £195 per week (yes, per WEEK). You could always go for the slightly cheaper rooms in Whetton or Dobree, the ugly stepsister of Storm Jameson, but you’ll probably be mocked for living there, it does seem utterly ghastly in comparison of course.
But does that really matter when Daddy will be paying for it?
Set aside a couple hundred quid every week or so to perfect ur edgy Leeds garms
You arrive on campus, ready to move in, but as you’re saying bye to Mummy and Daddy you see an array of wide leg trousers, Fila tops, black nikes and even some flared jeans. UCAS never prepared you for this, and so it is time for a new wardrobe.
Whilst you’ll try and convince people that you love to shop at charity shops and all your clothes are vintage, we all know you’ve just dropped about £150 in Urban Outfitters.
Terrace and Old Bar call to you on a daily basis
With Terrace and Old bar being five minutes away from your bedroom, its hard not to say yes when after you’ve finished your decadent refectory meal someone asks who’s up for a pint. You’ll think you’re spending nothing with pints around £3, but soon realise that you’ve bought five of them and a plate of nachos, whoops.
Everything you own comes from Essentials
The purpose of Essentials is kind of in the name, it’s meant to be the go to for things that you really really need. But when living in Charlie Mo, the thought of leaving campus for absolutely anything is abhorrent of course and so you’ll end up spending money on things that aren’t really essential and that are twice as much as they’d be in the Morrisons about 10 mins away. A weekly shop costing £50 is practically a steal for you guys.
The number of takeaways at your disposal
Refectory food couldn’t possibly be enough to fill you up, and with being so close to town you have pretty much every restaurant in Leeds that is on Deliveroo to choose from, the temptation is too much.
Oh, and not to mention Flames and Bakery 164 are only a short walk away.
You end up paying other people to wash your clothes
You are provided with a washing machine by the generous people at Charles Morris and so don’t have to spend £15 on washing every week like your posh cohorts in Central Village. However I have known a few mummy’s boys who are too scared to touch any of the mess that they’ve made and so pay their friends to clean their rooms and wash their clothes for them. This is a special kind of lazy but if you’re gonna find it anywhere, it’s in Charles Morris.
There is no excuse not to go out
Donuts is literally outside your window, Fruity is a few minutes walk away and you can even walk to town in 15 mins (but let’s be real you’ll definitely uber). With all of this so close you have no excuse to miss a night out, which will inevitably end with you downing your rose (bought from essentials of course), buying three or five VKs in the club, maybe even a jager or two, and Flames on the route home.
You inevitably become a gym lad
Well, not really, you’ll end up wishing you’d actually used that free gym membership in first year and so buy a membership for next year promising yourself you’re actually gonna go at least twice a week this time. You’ll probably end up only using it a handful of times, the costly curse of Charles Morris has taken your money even in second year.
Nevertheless, you take pride in the fact that you were one of the chosen ones who managed to acquire a Charles Morris room, enjoy it while you can, next year you’ll be living in a shitty five bed, sharing a bathroom between all of you.
So how much does this all cost, for the average Charles Morris wanker? A grand total of about £495. Ouch. But I guess you get to lord it over all your mates for the whole year – the ones that don’t live in Charlie Mo that is. And if you’re at the point where you can even afford the rent, never mind the rest of it, then you’ve probably got enough to live the lifestyle too. If not, then why did you even apply to live there in the first place?