When did second years become so boring?

It hasn’t always been this way – but there’s an epidemic sweeping the nation, and it’s causing the demise of the uni experience as we know it.

It’s no longer a joke. We need to talk about second years, and how fucking boring they’ve become.

This is no life

In first year you were unstoppable. Two events on the same weekend? It didn’t matter – you’d click attending to both like it was a ritual. You were seen photographed in five places in one night. How is that even possible? Only your battered liver knew.

But now, a few months into second year, you’re finding yourself lying  atop a bed of empty crisp packets on a Friday night or skipping that party at 2am in exchange for some oven chips. What have you become? I hardly recognise you.

Mental

Some of you may even choose the road of deceit by clicking attending to events and going as far as buying the tickets. Tickets you will never use. Everyone can see your desperate pleas for someone to please buy your “good life tix for cheap” on the exchange page. You cannot hide what you’re doing from the eyes of the timeline. It misses nothing.

Yes, this breed of second years like to pretend they still know how to get down with the kids. You might even see the odd mobile upload or, on a special occasion, catch them bobbing up and down at that one dub event. But don’t be fooled. The truth is we’re all slowly becoming weak.

You’re not fooling anyone

Even those still whispering “Down it fresher” to themselves with a sense of nostalgia will fall victim. Just like Gatsby, we all eventually have to let go of the past, and realise that shining a green light into the house of the person we used to Netflix and chill with is never acceptable.

Life is serious now. We have a fuckload of deadlines that actually count, and the thought of a 2:2 has us waking up in a cold sweat. It’s good that we’re starting to care, but it’s happening at the expense of any sense of fun.

So next time someone asks “Are you coming to Afters?”, think carefully about your answer. It’s going to say a lot about your character.

But actually count me out. I’ve got deadlines and I’m going to bed.