The Tab guide to getting a seat in the Laidlaw

Desperate times call for desperate measures

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It’s 1pm on a Monday and you’re at the Laidlaw Library, desperate  to catch up on that genocide reading you were supposed to do.

The Brotherton’s no good – it’s old news, and with the shiny new Laidlaw in existence now it’s claustrophobic murkiness reminds you more of a crack den than a library. You could go to the Brotherton and find a seat fairly easily but it’s no longer the place to be, and besides, being spotted in the Brotherton is embarrassing now. You’d rather be caught reading the Gryphon.

There’s only one problem with the Laidlaw though: finding a seat. Legend tells that many a student has entered the Laidlaw in search of a seat and never returned, their ghosts caught in a never ending cycle of awkwardly shuffling around Level 1 hoping the gods will favour them and grant them access to an empty booth.

To avoid such a terrible fate, the Tab have compiled some top tips to ensure you get the Laidlaw seat you know you deserve.

Check the third floor first

The traditional thing to do in the Laidlaw is to check from the ground floor to the third floor in ascending order. Don’t follow the crowd – break the system by checking Level 3 first. Be wary, though. It’s a silent floor, so gloat quietly when you do find a seat.

Check the less popular seating areas

Instead of going straight for the Level 1 booth like a basic bitch, start your search at one of the more unusual study locations.

The desks on the right-hand side of Level 2 hidden by the bookcases are a good shout, as are the desks on the third floor on the left-hand side.

Try different start points every time you enter and pretty soon you’ll know where to find the indie seats and how to avoid the mainstream ones.

Check the Footstep Fund Room

For some reason when students are confronted by a door in a library they immediately conclude that it’s off-limits.

The door to the Footstep Fund room on Level 1 is one of these apertures that inspires such confusion. The simple truth is is, you actually are allowed to go in.

Take advantage of this door-phobia endemic and laugh at everyone else trying to find places from behind the glass.

Get down there early

Heading down to the library early is a great way to get your pick of the seats. Maybe that post-Beaverworks bender that went on till 9am can come in useful after all -who needs sleep anyway. You’ll be there before everyone else and able to continue to give the illusion you’re in control of your life.

Get your friends to look out for empty seats

Before you leave the house ask your friends currently in the library to look out for any empty spots (don’t tell them that you’ve asked your other friends as well).

By the time you get down to the Laidlaw the library should be brimming with passive-aggressive folder placement on spots which your friends have managed to secure for you.

Choose your preferred space, and feel like a god among men.

If you see a free space: RUN

Showing how determined you are to get that seat is a great way to bump off other competitors. Run as fast as you can to that empty work space and the ostentatious manner of such exercise  will show that you mean business.

Throw a folder or two from a distance at the desired spot to bagsy the space. It may be a bit embarrassing but just imagine the depressing alternative – the Brotherton.

Go to the Laidlaw toilets

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Occupy a toilet cubicle for a guaranteed Laidlaw seat.

Grab yourself a cushion from home to sit on to avoid a numb bum. Use your legs as a makeshift desk or bring along a laptop with a lot of charge/a shaver-to-plug adapter.

Use the gender neutral toilets for an even bigger office space. Forge a doctors’ note diagnosing extreme stomach problems and the space is yours for the day (probably).

Make your own space

Watch in bemusement as other library wanderers desperately try and search for a seat from the comfort of your own picnic mat or foldable chair.

Bring some cushions for comfort, a blanket for rest periods, and some shits to not be given.