Chess Club Chaos

Panic sweeps Union as chess club unable to play due to missing key


At approximately 1800 hours on Monday the 28th of January, 2013, panic and confusion swept through the Union building on campus.

This state of shock was sparked when the secretary of chess society – Michael Keetley – asked for the storage key in order to access their boards & playing pieces.

However, instead of receiving the key and proceeding to spend the evening checking his opponent’s mate, he was informed that no key could be found. There would be no chess for Mr. Keetley and his society on that evening.

No access to their storage space meant that no boards or pieces could be used to facilitate the evening’s events. No knight to A5. No pawn to B6.

Probably what the key looks like…

Details are still quite thin on the ground and at this time we cannot confirm whether this was caused by someone with malicious intent or if it was simply an accident.

The only fact we can confirm is that the key is still missing.

The Tab understands that no police presence was required and the initial panic seems to have been handled appropriately, but with tensions frayed it is a nervous time for all.

It is rumoured that some underground games have started to go ahead but these are not endorsed by the official chess society and anyone partaking in such games does so at their own risk.

The Tab is assured that other society functions such as socials are still planned to go ahead, though the mood within the society can only be described as melancholic.

-A distressed member of chess club

In the midst of any panic like this the necessary questions have to be asked: Why is there not a spare key at hand? Why isn’t there a storage of backup boards and pieces? And won’t somebody please think of the children?

One card-carrying member, who wishes to remain anonymous spoke to The Tab:

“I get a bit of stick from my mates about playing chess but nothing compares to the rush of castling my king.”

“I had some new moves I wanted to try out and it ruined my day knowing I couldn’t play. I felt like kicking off.”

So while you may drunkenly stumble to your bed after one-too-many tonight, please spare a thought for those who are struggling.

Spare a thought for those chess players who fall asleep not knowing of the next time they can officially play their beloved game.

The Tab’s thoughts are with chess club – who were unavailable for comment – at this harrowing time.

If you have any information as to the whereabouts of chess club’s locker key, then please, email [email protected]