Tab man Leo Wax resents the fact that members of both sexes use Halloween to show off their buns of steels, bulging biceps and beach bods
As I innocently log into Facebook to just check out what’s going on, I decide to have a gander at the Events section on my page. What do I see? A bloody Halloween event, basically every single night!
I hate to sound like a big Halloween scrooge, but isn’t one night enough? I’m no Halloween expert, but to me, it’s just fancy dress with some blood – call me crazy. I called upon my friend Wikipedia to help me out.
What’s this? It’s a festival with old Pagan and Christian influences? How can a night now defined by carving scary faces into obscure orange fruit and dressing up as the walking dead have once been a religious occasion? Sounds like a capitalist ploy to me, just sayin…
Anyways, the point is that the history of the origins of Halloween is debatable. Some say that it was to mark the end of Summer. Others argue that the festival was a day to honour saints and pray for those who had recently passed away but hadn’t yet made it to Heaven. Please Wiki, tell me where apple bobbing comes into all of this?!
As I scroll down the Wikipedia page, the information I seek for is lacking. All it tells me is that costumes started to be mass produced for the festival in the 1930s, and that apple bobbing actually comes from some sort of ancient Roman activity. Right. Well, the history may be lacking, but my rant bank is certainly full up.
It just grows old so quickly every year
To commence my rant: seriously, a whole week of fake blood and dress up? Financially, I am not amused. In terms of effort, I speak for a large portion of the student community when I say I just can’t be bothered. And it just grows old so quickly every year. You get your pumpkin, you get your costume. Let’s call it a day.
My next point is that I resent the fact that members of both sexes take Halloween as an opportunity to show off their buns of steels, bulging biceps and beach bods. Put it away, PLEASE. A bit of skin is fine, but too much and I shant be happy.
I’m actually not an old man in the guise of a young student
I take this opportunity to apologise – I’m actually not an old man in the guise of a young student, I do like to have fun, and I enjoy going out. I have friends too, I promise! It’s just the hype every year, making sure you have somewhere to go for Halloween, crazy night out blah blah blah… Think I’d rather snuggle under my warm duck down duvet and watch some Made in Chelsea.
Oh well, for those lovers of Halloween out there, I do wish you a splendid evening. Hey, maybe I’ll even be there! But probably not.