Timepiece Tales… – Part 1

Adam Lax brings you the scandalous stories from our beloved Wednesday nights

Exeter Tales timepiece Uni university University of Exeter

For many a fresher, the chance to dress to impress each and every Wednesday night, to have every lacrosse Barbie, netball Sleeping Beauty and hockey Cinderella pining for one glance in their vague direction; the walls of Little Castle Street provide the backdrop for both romantic starts and broken hearts.

These fabled walls also have a habit of keeping their goings on secret from prying eyes, at least until the 9am procession along Union Road the following morning. The trails of Smurfs, clowns, policewomen, cowgirls, devils, fairies, tigers, sheep, even babies, all telling their own story of the night that was.

These stories were confined to Facebook, the RAM and the drawing rooms of Exeter. Until now: The Drop brings you the scandalous tales of Exeter’s finest, and worst; if you need to misbehave, just make sure it doesn’t become a Timepiece Tale…

We start with the tale of a misguided young fresher, bright eyed and bushy tailed, for whom the temptations of one hockey dreamboat became too much to handle. A fresher whose notoriety spans from his simple nature, an ability to coax previously innocent ladies into his darkened chamber, and simply put, a bladder control problem during the night.

The scandal only deepens as this gentleman became accustomed to the ways and means of a Wednesday night, his true purpose in life only fully realised after he had earned his full stash, and used it to its complete advantage. A naïve chap at the best of times, the household cat became a predatory lion – the explanation often rooted in six cider blacks, four reefs and a helping of the infamous double vodka cokes.

Following one particularly successful hunt, this fresher exceeded all expectations and found his way back to a second year princess’s castle – a night of lovemaking, passion and intimacy was on the cards. Not one to give in easily, although events later in the week would suggest otherwise, the fresher was left to his own devices as a cup of tea and a debrief with the Ugly Sisters was a more pressing requirement.

Exeter does have a reputation for allowing creativeness and improvisation to flourish; the fresher certainly did not disappoint. Expecting to find a slurring, incoherent wreck slumped on the floor, Cinderella returned to find a wild beast, primed for action. Although conventional social protocol does not apply to this fresher, he exceeded even his own questionable boundaries.

The Naked Man from ‘How I Met Your Mother’ is the only description that spring to mind, complete with a Kate Winslet-esque pose spread across Cinderella’s bed. The look of shock on this girl’s face quickly changed to one of lust and opportunity. For those who are interested: It worked.

Boys and girls, make sure your antics don’t become a Timepiece Tale…