We asked Edinburgh students to show us their university feedback violations

Just when you started to gain some peace of mind after the deadly stress of final essays and exam season, don’t forget, there is no rest for the wicked. As the end of exams and deadlines can only mean one thing: The return of the markers.

Despite what those self-esteem/motivational podcasts say, no matter how hard you worked or how well you think you may have done; you are only as worthy as the gorge markers say.

With this in mind, we asked the Students of Edinburgh for some of the most scandalous marking feedback they had received, and this is what they had to say:

“I misspelt his book name & he made a point of correcting it every time in my 5,000 word essay”

This is the level of pettiness only few will reach and for which we should all strive. Be strong my king, you are the blueprint.

“Mostly incorrect x (with a kiss at the end)”

Iconic behaviour, so bold and so real. Petition for every future academic criticism to be sealed with a kiss. The passive aggressiveness brings peace to my soul.

“I really didn’t enjoy reading this”

Well I’m not enjoying their nasty attitude, like you just loved having to write it. It’s not you, it’s them.

“Just one sentence: ‘We’ll talk about this during my office hours'”

Ooooooo sexy x

“The fact you thought this was true is bewildering”

 Is bewildering not just another way of saying puzzling? Or in other words intriguing? But then we could just call it groundbreaking……?

“What degree do you think this essay is even for?”

I’m sorry, are we expected to know? Let’s be real, most of us just went off vibes when filling that UCAS application.

“I got told that if I needed help writing in English, I should email my tutor (I’m Scottish)”

Is this funny? Is this sad? Or does this somehow summarise the experience of being a Scottish student at Edi in the most poetic way.

Sorry my love, you’re just not English enough xoxo

“Do you think all this detail is necessary?”

Absolutely. Stories need layers. Had enough of people attacking levels of detail.  For example, have I entered my 20th sub plot after trying to tell you about the latest gossip? YES.

But does it add to the story? 1,000 per cent.

“Where’s MMM?”  

Where’s please?

“Your rationale eludes me”

 Just say it’s shit and be done with it. No need to get fancy.

“Pardon?” 

Excusez- moi!

“Had a doctor tell me I would have been better off at a less prestigious uni after examining a patient” 

Yeah, that’s right, because don’t you forget that all your self-worth and value as a human being comes down to what uni you go to. I heard that when you enter the pearly gates of heaven these days you are asked for proof of your uni’s Russell group membership.

Because as evident by our very own government it doesn’t matter what morals or intellect you have but where your Uni ranks on Qs world rankings x

“Awks”

Oopsies <3

“This is god awful”

 Sorry my Lord and Saviour, I promise to be a good little minion next time.

“Excellent knowledge, clear argument, no grammar mistakes = 60%”

The endless dilemma, what do they want from us? I’d give them my liver, but it’s probably damaged from DROWNING MY SORROWS.

“I used ‘pretentious’ language in a formal essay “

Too posh for Edinburgh? Surely this is just not possible?

“I’m actually getting frustrated with you now”

 Omg why are they so obsessed with you? Pipe down.

“You’re lying”

Prove it 🙂

“Got accused of plagiarising lecture notes (which I had not wrote)”

This is seriously impressive because who doesn’t plagiarise lecture notes?

This is very wrong, but I can see you tried and appreciate the effort”

Thank you my lovely.  So glad you recognise the blood sweat and tears poured into an essay you have just annihilated.

“I love what you’ve done so much, amazing essay / this essay is mediocre, 50%”

From experience, maybe they started their period?

And so, in this difficult time of academic injustice, be strong angels. And don’t forget it’s for the plot and it’s all just a bit of fun. As no matter what classification is slapped onto your degree certificate, at the end of the day. We all die in the end. Live laugh love x

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