Let’s be honest – the Quartermile Sainsbury’s is awful

Going to the Quartermile Sainsbury’s is like hiring a prostitute to do your laundry, it might be convenient but its a massive waste of money and just wrong on so many levels.

I know, we’ve all been there, you’re bunkered down in the library and you’ve been staring at the same page of your textbook for so long that lost track of time and you’ve started to question if ‘moreover’ is even a real word anymore. You’ve got to do something before you actually pass out sitting up and smash your laptop screen. Like a moth to a flame, you follow the bright lights of the Quartermile Sainsbury’s because there’s literally fuck all else around past 7pm and you’re so hungry, sleepy and bored that you’d probably settle for procrastinating by reading the back of a coke can.

In this half delirious state, the idea of a plain cheese meal deal sounds like heaven. You get back to the library with a slimmer wallet and a load of disappointing items that you’re not even sure you even bought, pushing you over the edge into full blown work driven insanity.

Don’t go towards the light, it’s a trap

Stay safe out there kids, avoid the Sainsbury’s like the plague.

Although this is beginning to sound more like a public health warning than an article, it’s got to be said that the Quartermile Sainsbury’s really takes the piss. First of all, the prices are outrageous, with it supposedly being one of the most expensive Sainsbury’s in the whole of the UK. Seriously, who is paying £4.20 for a pizza that small when you can have one literally delivered to you for a couple quid more?

Outrageous

Unless you’re channelling your inner Jordan Belfort and are living it up in Quartermile and don’t mind splashing a fiver on a disappointing oven meal, you’re not going to walk away satisfied. The problem is that they know they can get away with it, with such a large student population in the area who are all desperate, semi-delusional and ultimately very lazy, they know they can charge what they want because there’s nothing to compete with them within half a mile.

It’s not just the prices that make this place such a disappointment, its the way its stocked. They seem to have the most bizarre collection of items but seriously lacking in basic food necessities. There’s everything from cat food to baby wipes, and yet I struggled to find any tinned tomatoes. What kind of supermarket doesn’t have tinned tomatoes?

But worst of all, the lack of good meal deal sandwiches is crushing, you’d think that a supermarket like this would get 90 per cent of their business from meal deals and therefore have them stocked like nobody’s business, but they never do.

So now they’re offering cutlery and napkins? To eat what, a plate of air?

Choosing a sandwich from this lot is like choosing an American trying to chose between Hillary and Trump, or like choosing what floor of the library to sit on – they’re all awful. And yet, they seem to have a serious stock of ferrero rochers? This place needs to sort its priorities out more than a first year who’s on course for a first.

The only thing on sale are the most expensive chocolates in the whole shop. Brilliant

The strangest of all thing about this supermarket isn’t even the prices or the stock, but the people who end up there, its the strangest mix of people. Firstly and most commonly you’ve got your delirious library student, with bags under their eyes and arm full of caffeinated drinks, too weary to notice the price get into double digits. Next you have the Quartermile crew, who you can easily spot by their Voss water and Canada Goose, too rich to care about the price at all, probably cradling a load of Ferrero Rochers at the self service check out.

Finally, you’ve got the Scottish school kids. Does anyone know if any of them actually go to school at all? Is it even a legal requirement in Scotland? How do they have the money to buy anything in here on a daily basis? Why is no one researching this like it’s the cure for cancer? These are the kind of questions I’ve spent my whole degree thinking about, it’s serious work. Seriously though, I swear I’ve seen these kids at all hours of the day invading not just the Sainsbury’s, but the whole city it feels like, making me start to question my sanity even more.

If I haven’t convinced you by now that this supermarket is actually the seventh circle of hell in disguise, only one thing will. Yelp reviews. Scoring at 2.5 out of 5, it’s safe to say that I’m not alone in my opinion, but I really don’t think I could put it any better than this guy.

Neal W. speaks for our generation

If you’re still not convinced, you must have been at the library so much that you really have totally lost it.