A definitive list of all the people you’ll see in your lecture

There’s always one in a suit

Even though it sometimes doesn’t feel like it, lectures are a pretty central part of uni life.

Given my shoddy lack of concentration I often finding myself looking around at everyone else and have begun to notice clear patterns of the type of people you always find in your lectures.

Here’s a list of them:

The guy who’s writing non-stop

Starting from an academic standpoint, you’ll always find those on both ends of the spectrum: those who write notes and those who don’t.

On one hand, you have someone who sits there and writes every single note on the slide, but not what the lecturer is saying. Even the terrible jokes are written down.

The person who never seems to be taking notes of any kind

You also seem to have the kid who sits there, no laptop or notebook, not even attempting to make notes. Someone clearly rates their own photographic memory.

The hungover people

You’ll always find an assortment of hungover people. There’s no shame in it, we’ve all been there.

There will be the guy with his head on the desk, fully asleep, and then various stages of zombie-like students all around you.

The still drunk legends

If you’re really lucky and it’s before midday, there will be the person who hasn’t made it home yet, but really cares about their 10am. It’s all about that work-life balance.

The over-dressed

Depending on your lecture, you will have a varying intensity of the suited and booted, dressed far too well for their probably irrelevant lecture, looking like they’ll step out of DHT and straight into the open arms of a graduate scheme.

The online shopper

A fun thing to do when bored is to look at everyone online shopping in the lecture, and judge what they buy.

We can see you buying lingerie on ASOS.

The Facebook stalker

One of my personal favourites in the lecture hall is the person Facebook stalking on their laptop so the whole lecture hall can see.

This never ceases to amaze me: do they not know we can all now see the pictures from ‘Alex’s 21st Birthday’, or the profile of their one night stand?

The person who laughs at all the lecturers jokes FAR too hard.

Another classic. Shit sense of humour or suck up?

The person who’s having a full meal

There also will always be the person who brings their whole lunch and sits with assorted tupperwares of funny smelling food and a thermos of tea which just happens to spill onto you.

The person who’s napping

Just go home.