I tried getting kicked out the library

I was really bored

At this time of year, tempers fray and stress reaches an all time high.

So for my own sadistic pleasure I spent a day in the library deliberately trying to annoy the shit out of everyone.

And sure, I pissed a lot of you off.

But no matter what I did, not one of you complained and had me taken out.

Aware of the library’s battery hen like shortage of space, I decided to do what any caring, sympathetic student would do, and hogged two desks, simultaneously, as well as a pod.



I left scattered articles of paper on two desks with absolutely no intention of returning to them.

Taking regular breaks from the comfort of my pod to inspect the desks and see if anyone had cracked and ripped my papers off the table onto the floor in a rage, I was shocked to see no such anarchy had ensued.

Each time I checked on them, they remained unoccupied.

It seems like the lore of the library is that any object on a desk serves as a warning that it is taken and cannot be used, no matter how long the owner has fucked off for.

This was proven by leaving a single, empty coffee cup on a desk.

I came back from having a leisurely lunch to find the coffee cup in the exact same position, and nobody sitting in that seat.

Still there...

Still there…

I kept this going until around after lunchtime when I took mercy upon the poor studious folks and removed the offending articles.

Sure enough, within about ten minutes the desks were taken.

The next logical thing to do was to test the bounds of silence.

I turned my phone on loud and had my friend whatsapp me multiple times in the space of five minutes, all the while having headphones in, in the pretence of being unable to hear the irritating pings.

I myself know how bloody annoying it is when I hear someone’s phone go off so was expecting more of a reaction than what I got: A couple of dirty looks thrown my way and an audible huff from the boy next to me.

Hush you, you're not doing any work either.

Hush you, you’re not doing any work either.

That was the total sum of that.

So I went a bit further. I got said friend to phone me, and answered the phone at my desk.

I laughed and said I had to be quick as I was in the library and that got a few unfriendly looks.

I could also feel the girl next to me’s eyes boring into my skull, she clearly had an issue with my flagrant abuse of the no phone rule above ground floor.

But still no verbal objections to my rudeness.

I tried munching loudly on a carrot, crunching on crisps and even snacking on an iceberg lettuce which has a crunch factor level of about a thousand. (Bloody annoying)

Posh wanker crisps. And what?

Posh wanker crisps. And what?

But it seems you studious lot have a never ending fountain of endurance and despite my putting you to the test, the actual aggressive verbal objections were nil.

Yes I got a few aggressive stares and I thought one girl could have melted the flesh off my face with her glare, but not one single person came up to me and told me to shut up.

On the plus side, I did some yoga just for fun in the aisle of my desk and about twenty minutes later, a mature student took inspiration from me and did a magnificent downward dog.

Kudos to you wonder woman. Yogis unite!

Kudos to you wonder woman. Yogis unite!

My day of being an annoying prick taught me just how British our uni is. But it’s exam season, so screw manners.

If someone is being an annoying wanker, don’t endure it, tell them to stop it or take their stupid selves off where such fuckery is tolerated.

Napier anyone?