M&S is closing and we don’t know what to do with ourselves

Marks and Spencer has announced plans to close its Durham branch on Saturday 7 April 2018.

Happily, the firm confirmed that all 48 employees at Durham's branch will retain employment within other M&S stores. But this will be small comfort to the bourgeois tastes of Durham's notoriously high-spending uni students.

We paid a visit to the store, located next to Tesco on Silver Street, and home to an extensive assortment of gastronomic finery, to find out just what it is we'll be losing.

Hannah doesn't even know what M&S stands for, let alone what any of those other words mean

We'll be sure to miss the Nettle, Dandelion, and Milk Thistle Infusion, a bargain at just £1 – as well their one-litre bottles of Freshly Squeezed Green Lemonade with Lime, Kiwi, and Kale, currently £2.20.

For the classic Hatfielder, meanwhile, the greatest loss might just be Perrier-Jouët's Blason Rosé champagne, taking a neat £60 out of daddy's generous weekly allowance.

But where will I buy my Vegan Roasted Veg with Avocado and Chilli Squash on Red Pepper Bread now?

Our editor notes a special sadness no longer to be able to savour the M&S meal deal – at just £3.50, it is 50p more than Tesco's option, but "at least fifty times as wholesome".

Meanwhile M&S clarified in a statement: "Stores will always be an integral part of our customer experience, alongside M&S.com, but we have to ensure we have the right offer in the right locations.

The only Durham bakery that sells proper bread (you heard me, Cooplands)

“We don’t want any colleagues to leave M&S and we will work with each colleague individually on what is best for them as we endeavour to give everyone a role. However, we accept in some cases we may have to consider redundancy.

“We believe these changes are vital for the future of M&S and we will continue to accelerate the programme, taking tough but necessary decisions, as we focus on making M&S special.”

£60! I've never seen that much money in my life!

Durham's store is one of 14 planned closures across the UK, including Basildon, Bridlington, and Fareham.