You’ve got into Durham now here’s everything you need to know

In case any of you need an ego boost


Obviously every university student is going to say that their university is the best, if not out of genuine belief then at least to defend their academic choice and try to justify the spending of thousands of pounds and 3 years of their life to both themselves and those around them.

However, Durham has some actual real life arguments to back up the claim.

So next time you’re in the pub with your mates from home and they’re mocking you for wearing your stash out in public again (to be honest its really not OK), at least you’ll have something to come back with.

We have some brains

OK, let’s just get it out of the way: we’re not Oxbridge. And Doxbridge isn’t a thing.

But although we’re not at the most academically prestigious university in the country, we also aren’t subjected to the non-stop onslaught of essays that result in hermitting, hysteria and hourly mental breakdown.

At least we don’t look like this

Plus, we’re still top in the country for subjects such as English, History and Theology – (otherwise known as the fun ones).

These are some of the most unemployable degrees so isn’t it a relief that you’re studying somewhere that will at least get you an interview before laughingly rejecting your application in favour of an economist (sorry Geographers, you’re still screwed).

The scenery

We have a castle. You’re probably already aware of this but really it can’t be emphasised enough. Within walking distance of just about anywhere you might live is a massive, glorious, historical castle.

It has an underground bar. The Queen once stayed in a suite there.

It’s too prestigious to even be part of the National Trust scheme – that’s right, its World Heritage.

There are people who travel for hundreds of miles, willing to brave the horrific journey from civilisation up North just to glance at its awe inspiring image, and you’ve got it on your doorstep.

Durham in general is also an incredibly beautiful city. You just need to search the tag #Durham on Instagram and you’re drowned in a sea of nostalgic, romantic images of our city, some of which are even good enough to be #nofilter.

Pretty good

Cheap nightlife

We’re home to the worst nightclub in Europe, but let’s not pretend that that’s a benefit.

We’re finally allowed to stop pretending that we enjoy the prestige and irony of it and accept it for what it is:  a drunken mess of sweat and regretful pulls.

We do however have a selection of other clubs that offer the appealing combination of cheap entry, cheaper drinks and a space so small that you’ll never have to worry about losing your friends on a night out.

The 2.30am closing time may seem a bit lame, but in reality you’re secretly glad when the club lights come one and you can finally go get that Urban Oven that you’ve been fantasising about for the last hour.

We might not quite have the elusive variety of London nightlife, but when you can get club entry and 3 triples for cheaper than a cocktail served by a miserable and disillusioned bartender, who gives a shit.

If in doubt, you can always party outside

All the pastries

You know those days when you really fancy a pasty or a sausage roll and you can’t stop thinking about it, but you’re too indecisive over whether it’s worth the later life artery problems so you walk past and are instantly filled with regret and day-ruining pining.

Well fortunately in Durham you don’t have to do the awkward phone check, exasperated head shake, pretend you’ve got the meeting place wrong, lengthy turn around to get that savoured pastry.

Instead, just walk another 20 seconds down the road and you’ll be at the next bakery. Beautiful.

Excellent business plan

Some future prospects

Most of us won’t actually get a job, or if we do it will be a very mediocre, human resources affair that sucks the life out of us and makes reminiscing about the “good old days” a permanent past-time.

However, Durham offers a plethora of wealthy bachelors and bachelorettes with very few morals and an inherent desire to prove mummy and daddy wrong, meaning that ordinary ruffians like you might actually be in with a chance of joining the aristocracy and whiling your days away shopping on Kings Road and eating from the M&S finest range.

At least, a girl can dream.

The epitome of civilized society

Best of a bad bunch

We’re hated, but not as much as other unis. Oxbridge have the typical prick status. Bristol are known for being edgy cunts. Warwick is unfathomably dull and UCL makes drug taking a necessity.

We’re not liked, but we’re not not liked the least, and for that we should be proud.