An Idiot Abroad: Summer horror stories

It’s basically winter now. Here are some sultry summer tales to warm the cockles of your heart

Did you have a depressingly uneventful summer? These student shenanigans will make you feel slightly better about it.

Forget “what goes on tour stays on tour”…. these idiots are proud of themselves.

Bomb Voyage

“At 6am after a boozy airport breakfast and 3 hours of sleep, the good ideas come flooding in.

“You might even think setting up your friend to kick off the holiday early would be hilarious, start as you mean to go on and all.

“This was my thought process as I poked a piece of wire into a ball of blu tack and dropped it into my friend’s pocket.

“The plan got a laugh from our group as he set off an alarm walking through the metal detectors, joke over right? Wrong.

“It stopped being funny when armed guards pinned him to the ground and he wasn’t allowed to board the flight due to suspected terrorism…”

What a prick

The night took a dive

“Last summer at a festival I decided to run past security and stage dive into the crowd during my favourite band’s live set.

“Unfortunately, I got removed from the arena by security who cut off my wristband and ejected me from the whole festival.

“Totally worth it though, best day of my life.”

It’s nice to feel part of something

Calvin Who?

My friends and I took a post exam celebratory holiday to Ibiza and the main event of the week was Calvin Harris’ set at a huge club.

“After paying €85 entry each we waited inside this club for several hours, trying to scrape together enough between us for a €16 vodka and coke.

“Only when it got to about 7am with still no sign of Calvin Harris did we find out he’d played the set next door and we’d missed the whole thing!”

Can the real Calvin Harris please stand up

Blonde Ambition

“A lad’s holiday to Malia meant our motto was “every hole’s a goal” so everyone was impressed when my mate headed back to our hotel with a blonde pole dancer.

“As he shared a room with two of the others, the logical thing to do in order to gain extra lad points was lock them out on the balcony so they could watch her “suck his lollipop”.

“Of course he immediately lost them when he got a nose bleed during the act and ran to the bathroom wearing the nearest item of clothing, her tiny, revealing hot pants.

“He then proceeded to slip over on the bloody floor and threw up”

What a bloody mare

Piss Head

“One morning I woke up on the balcony with only my pillow, stained a suspicious yellow colour.

“I warily checked my shorts, presuming I’d wet myself after passing out drunk the night before.

“Only later did my friend announce he couldn’t make it to the toilet in the night and had been forced to pee on the balcony…”

Literal piss head

Banjo Festival

“High at a festival, I somehow managed to tempt a girl back to my tent.

“We were messing around in my sleeping bag when she managed to snap my banjo (girls, google it).

“Understandably, the sea of blood covering literally everything in the tent scared her off and I never saw her again.

“It didn’t stop bleeding for the next 2 days of the festival so I had to come home and get stitches!”

It’s all smiles now…