How to pull in a club without seeming like a creep

ORIEL WELLS has some advice for overcoming the age-old dilemma.

As everyone knows, the point of a night out in Durham is to pull as many people as you can for the sole purpose of having something to nostalgically boast about at breakfast the next day. Unfortunately, not every guy has the gift of being a #chopper, and too many nights end in a desperate last attempt to find someone on Tinder, before having to resignedly return to bed alone. To help you avoid this humiliating situation and make sure you double your tally before the end of term, here is a fool-proof guide that is guaranteed to get you some mouth on mouth action.

Inbetweeners dance

We’ve all been there – rogue night in Klute, so obviously the dance floor is shockingly empty. None of the other guys are man enough to make their move and it’s like a year 6 disco: boys on the right, girls on the left. How do you overcome this awkward situation? Answer: make like the ultimate chick magnet Will from the Inbetweeners and gallop over to the lucky lady in question. However, first make sure that your pals are willing to fill in their appropriate dance roles if you don’t want to risk looking like a complete idiot.

Playing it cool will get you nowhere

Get with her ugly friend

Girls are motivated by jealousy, so if she’s not initially interested, move on to the weaker members of the group who look like they aren’t going to say no to anyone. Once your target has seen your moves demonstrated on someone else, there will be no getting rid of her… and you might even bag a threesome!

Not quite the threesome you had in mind

Talk to them about your mother

All women are turned on by a guy that treats women with respect, and what better example to use than your own mother! Every girl is secretly really looking for is someone who takes their relationship advice from Freud, right? Emphasise the closeness of your relationship with females by reminiscing about that time last summer when you shared a bed with your Mama for warmth, or that time you gave her a sensual massage. Guaranteed to make your lucky catch want to make babies with you straight away.

Works every time

Smell their hair

Simple technique: grab hair, lower nose, inhale. Works every time.

Experienced sniffer

Grind up on em

There’s no bigger turn on than having someone rubbing up against you from behind. It might be the risk of not knowing what they look like, or the primal feeling of moving in rhythm with someone else to the lyrics of Five, but whatever the reason this technique is the perfect way to get sex on her mind, and there’s absolutely no chance she’ll be repulsed whatsoever.

Guaranteed winner

Stare at them

Girls in groups are much more intimidating than girls by themselves, so avoid approaching them directly. Instead, stare intensely at the girl in question without moving any part of your body for 3-4 minutes, a sure fire way to pull. However, be wary of any other girls accidentally getting in the path of your gaze, as if they do they’re sure to also be drawn to your irresistible magnetism and you may end up with a full scale orgy on your hands!

Too much to handle