Top library pranks

LAURA IDDLES rounds up the best ways to stitch up your mates during a long stint in Bill Bryson.

Now that summative season is in full swing and the majority of Durham students have migrated to the library we need to think of more inventive ways to keep amused now that Flappy Bird isn’t an option. Stop yourself slipping into dissertation depression and summative sadness by making the most out of the line and performing some of these fun and harmless* pranks! (*-May cause harm if within 24 hours of someone’s deadline, you’ve been warned.)

Play ‘Guess who?’

A guaranteed winner with those stuck deep in their summatives. Simply go behind someone you don’t know, cover their eyes, and say ‘Guess who?’ When they obviously can’t recognise your voice, let them turn round and reveal yourself to them, before starting up a conversation about how they’ve been, how fucked they were the other night etc. They will be more confused than Higgins when he found out people didn’t like him or his policies. Watch this guy for more info:

Treat someone to some ‘sexual healing’

This old chestnut will spice up anyone’s day! If your friend looks like they’ve not been getting any recently, nobly sneak onto their lappy and pop on a little porn whilst they’re picking up their Yum coffee. One that was recommended to me is ‘Lemon Party’ (search it and you’ll see why). As a general rule, the more grotesque and scarring the better. And make sure speakers are on full volume.

Cheers boys

Leave an ‘official’ note

Why not give your friend a little fright by leaving a note from the librarians, or as they like to think of themselves, the ‘Library Po-Po’. Go for something along the lines of ‘we’ve been watching what you have been doing and your behaviour is unacceptable, If you continue to act in this manner, we shall take matters further’ Add some wittiness if you fancy, but I reckon the more mundane the note, the more believable it is. Stellar example below:

Extra effort pays off

Wear a morph suit

Why not try sporting a different look to the library? Perhaps a skimpy morph suit? There are no dress regulations in the library, so let’s see how the library staff try to deal with this one. Be anonymous for the day and act completely normal as people around you become more and more bemused by your activities. If anyone around you starts discussing your attire, turn around and politely ask him or her to be quiet whilst you are trying to study.


Plant some books

It’s common knowledge that it’s harder to sneak a book out of Billy B than it is to sneak coke out of Colombia. Nothing brings fear to the faces of Durham students like the library alarms. If you want to watch your friend break a sweat trying to explain to the librarians they don’t know how it got there, its all been a big misunderstanding, and they must have been framed, then plant a book in your friends’ bag that is not scanned out. Try a reference book if you’re feeling proper frisky.

International border control

Go wild with out of order signs

Print off a few out of order signs and stick them on all the loos in the Bryson, then watch as mayhem erupts and people start sprinting around different levels trying to find a toilet that is in order. You might get into a spot of trouble for this one though so make sure you keep your head down as the shit hits the fan.

Caught short