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Lent Advice: You don’t have time to catch feelings

You’ve got too much to do to be writing love poetry right now.

Catching feelings is dangerous. It leads to way too many library day dreams about romantic sunset kisses, and leaves you sleepless because last night you made your romance playlist (it was awful, it had One Direction in it). And once you’ve got feelings, they’re impossible to get rid of…until you get your heart broken, that is. And if we don’t have time to catch feelings, we definitely have too many essays right now to break our hearts. The best thing to do is avoid them altogether. And this is how:

1. Keep your friends and your crushes separate

Possible lovers should never be seen in daylight. Daylight is far more conducive to small talk than night, and small talk leads to learning small, endearing facts about you dream date. The second you find out their favourite film ("I love that film too!") or their favourite food ("we should go get some together!"), you’re in trouble.

2. Never ever say you miss them

It’s three in the morning on a Thursday and you text "I miss you", they text it back. But it’s not clear whether they miss your platonic company, your body or anything else vaguely connected to you. And in your almost-with-feelings state you are bound to mistake everything and anything for, "I have feelings for you too". This risky move is certain to put you on the cusp of a breakdown whilst you analyse and analyse again the meanings of this cryptic text. There are more important cryptic texts to analyse than the one a cutie sent you.

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Don't fall prey to the shiny capitalist temptation!!!

3. Don’t do things to make them interested in you

An example taken from my own life: Do not for any reason start watching Doctor Who, even though your romantic interest might have various memorabilia in their room and rant about it any chance they get, making you curious. As soon as you take an interest in something they care about, you start to care about them. You do not have time to catch feelings nor do you have to time to watch over 360 hours of Doctor Who.

4. Don’t go on ‘dates’

Sitting next to each other in lectures is one thing. So is accidentally hooking up after an interesting Wednesday Cindies. Going to the cinema is definitely another. Going to the cinema makes this a date, and a date means a possible relationship. And you don’t have time for that.

Hopefully, this advice will give a stress and romance-free Lent term. More time kissing strangers and writing essays, less time romanticising one probably actually awful individual. On the other hand, you're an adult now. So it's 100 per cent your prerogative to make your own choices. Happy Lent.