The Cambridge Blues: Oxbridge officially has the saddest music taste in the country
But have no fear, The Tab is here with a sick af playlist for you all to bawl and boogie to 🔥🔥🔥
A recent Guardian article has revealed students in Cambridge are listening to more depressing music than most other British towns or cities.
This probably doesn't come as a surprise to most Cantabs. A lot of the time a cig, a Pot Noodle and a little cry to the Love Actually soundtrack are the only things that will get you through the night and to that 9am essay deadline, and most will probably have a "Songs to Sob to" Spotify playlist.
And so, as we all know that the Tripos is trying, without further ado and for your pleasure (or misery), The Tab has collated its Top Ten Tunes to Tear up to for Tripos loving Teens:
10) The Winner Takes It All – ABBA
This is undeniably the most recognisably sad ABBA song, like it knocks the shit out of The Day Before You Came. Filled with raw emotion and the pain of accepted abandonment this could be seen as more deserving of a higher place on this list. But I think as most people think of this song and then immediately get that iconic cliff top scene from the first Mamma Mia in their head, which does ultimately culminate in a fairytale ending, TWTIA will have to stay at number 10.
9) All By Myself – Celine Dion
Ok I promise some of the songs on this list WON'T come from romcoms, but how can a list of sad songs be complete without the ULTIMATE sad chardonnay and Haagen Daz tune. Or in the case of Cambridge the ultimate 4am depressing Red Bull essay tune.
8) Back to Black – Amy Winehouse
The first actually sad song without any memey undertones on this list, it's also THE song to listen to the minute you're back on your bullshit after having managed to get at least one essay in on time in a term before you pick yourself up and drag your useless carcass back to the library.
7) Dancing On My Own – Robyn
An ICONIQUE sad song, the perfect song to bop to in Cindies following a chirpse implosion (though let's be honest the people listening to this song will more likely be in Glitterbomb) and an all around toot in general. No list of sad songs would be complete without a bit of Robyn.
6) Someone Like You – Adele
A blast to the Y7/8 past for most current students, this nostalgically depressive anthem will take anyone besides those with hearts as cold and joyless as the UL back to the uncomfortable and joyless years of early teenage angst.
5) The Climb – Miley Cyrus
Another pre/mid-pubescent tear jerker, a tune you'll need to hype yourself up after having been told by your supervisor they could have written a better essay had they smeared their keyboard in shit and smacked their dick on it at random instead.
4) Total Eclipse Of The Heart – Bonnie Tyler
It was nigh time for another heart wrenching power ballad so Bonnie's awe inspiring vocals and one of the most 80s music videos ever makes the list.
3) Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now – The Smiths
What would a list of sad songs be without this bop? Basically anything else by the Smiths can also slot into number 3 as it's all morbid music regularly frequented by Ket sniffing mopey Englitters, firmly cementing its place towards the top of this list.
2) Both Sides Now and A Case Of You – Joni Mitchell
Because Joni Mitchell is so legendary she's allowed two songs, but these songs are so good and sad they can make you cry sober. Plus, Both Sides Now is further made iconic by everyone's favourite Cantabrigian, Emma Thompson in Love Actually so if these songs don't make you curl into a ball and blub like a baby you're officially a monster.
1) A Song For You – Donny Hathaway
A lot of you are probably thinking, how on earth can Joni Mitchell be beaten in the sad songs sweepstake? But have a listen and tell me I'm wrong as without a doubt this is the most cathartic tune ever written.
And thus ends The Tab's guide to Tearjerkers, prove The Guardian right, have a listen and let your eyes blub 💖