It’s better to be emotionless in Cambridge

This is no place for the weak

balloting Blues Cambridge Cambridge University College degree emotions Exams Life stress Student Tab the tab university valentine

Stories about emotional breakdowns aren’t a rare commodity in Cambridge. When horrors lurk around every ancient stone wall, threatening to upset your mental equilibrium, sometimes simply not caring is best.

It’s a big, bad world when trapped in the Cambridge bubble. You don’t need to be a Bio NatSci to know what Darwin was on about when he postulated the theory of natural selection. Cambridge’s intense, gruelling eight weeks are designed to push you to the limits and even to breaking point. In this punishing environment, only the strong can survive. And sometimes being strong means you just have to not give a fuck.

It’s all scientifically proven

Look at supervisions, for starters. Sure, you may have worked hard and slaved over an essay you proudly hand in to your supervisor, only for it to be thrown back in your face smothered in red pen and disappointing comments. What do you do? Cry about it? No, you have keep on going because there’s still x more books you have to read/ y amount questions/ z amount of lab reports to hand in. There’s no time for disintegrate into self-doubt, and frankly it isn’t worth it.

Well the rest of us might find it petty, arrogant or simply pointless, to those engaged in the slippery world of student politics, its no laughing matter. Whether its CUSU, the Union, College JCRs, or CUCA, CULC, CUFIS, CULS etc. there is no shortage of opportunity for infighting, back stabbing and careful conniving to secure the top job of President.

Climbing the greasy pole

It’s hardly surprising that Cambridge has produced its fair share of prime ministers and politicians when this is the playground for tactical manoeuvring. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, they say, but do we still know which is which?

For us poor, ignorant Freshers, the nightmare of balloting has reared its head. Whilst some may waver, plagued with indecision as to upsetting new friends, sometimes you just need to be ruthless. Is there someone who never cleans up, leaves their dirty dishes around and is the scourge of the gyp room?

Or perhaps you’re unfortunate enough to have regretfully college married someone who now stalks you to no end. Now is the time for change. Better to be merciless now than endure two years of regret.

Cambridge is a cold place

Maybe you think that in Cambridge you’ll find “the one”. Maybe you’ve caught the Valentine flutters and  been on a blind date. But don’t delude yourself, you’re already in a long term relationship with someone who won’t leave you alone and demands your constant attention night and day- your degree. For better or for worse, since hitting ‘firm choice’ on that UCAS application, we’re committed now. Till death do us apart.

In this land of excessive overachievers it seems like underachieving is the new competition. Having it all together is so passé, it’s all about how your life is falling apart now. Writers have previously written about Cantabs’ need to broadcast who’s more stressed or failing their degree to a greater extent.

Stressed, depressed, caffeine obsessed?

Sadly this trend does not seem to be disappearing anytime soon. Listening to other people’s over exaggerated complaints is foremost irritating, but worse is getting dragged into the cesspit of constantly comparing with others. So rise above it all, I mean, who needs empathy anyway?

Emotions are more of an unnecessary liability in Cambridge. This is not an endorsement for being a psychopath, but merely adopting a more water off a duck’s back attitude.

So set the emotions aside, fellow Cantabs, and go forth and conquer.