Too boozed for burgers? McDonald’s starts to breathalyse us

Hungry students under the influence will have to go elsewhere for their late night fast food fix following McDonald’s decision to take part in a scheme run by Cambridge police.

The popular post-Cindies dining establishment will now be stocking breathalysers to be used by security on those suspected of having one too many VKs, in an attempt to cut down on alcohol related crime in the city.

McDonald’s (in Rose Crescent) is one of the first venues to sign up to the scheme, along with Cambridge United football ground and The Junction, with more clubs and bars set to join in the near future.

No longer a post-club possibility.

Cambridge Police Commissioner Sir Graham Bright told Cambridge News “the trend these days is for people to ‘preload’ with alcohol at home before heading out.

The result of this can be that people are very drunk towards the end of the evening, putting themselves and others at risk.”

Trinity fresher Declan Amphlett said “this new measure is a flagrant and horrific violation of our human rights.

What’s the point of going on without chicken nuggets?

We’ll have to resort to smuggling sandwiches into clubs like a really primary school version of the drugs trade.”

Guess some won’t be having a very happy meal after all…