I fancy you so much more on Facebook

Georgie Hammerton: week 2

The streets are quiet, only a businessman talking into his earpiece breaks the sound of fingernails tapping on the touch screen of tablets.

The entire way our generation has experienced culture is radically different to previous generations. A whole group of people has emerged with the social skills of Katie Hopkins.

Riveting company


Instead of having really weird pillow chat after a cheeky romp we now just roll over and check our instagram and whether or not we are still the highest bidder on eBay. Instead of learning how to steer a bike with no hands and throw wet tissue at the ceiling so it sticks perfectly, we discovered the poo emoji with eyes.

I realised my lack of skills the hard way. My bloody awful cycling left me to completely mug myself off. A van full of boys drove past me and wolf whistled. I just thought c’mon guys, I don’t even look good today and that’s pretty rude to objectify me. So I made the massive error of releasing my tight grip from the handlebars and stuck my middle finger up at them. Moments later the wheels began to move in weird directions.

And I then fell off my bike onto my face and looked like a complete tit because I couldn’t keep my balance.

Less time on miniclip could have meant my ‘fuck off’ was super cool and sassy instead of massively weird and embarrassing.

Feeling good, looking even better


We are pro’s at living this fake life online where we can literally create and edit our own lives. However, in real life many people now seem to be struggling.

You often meet someone in the flesh for the first time only to feel bitterly disappointed. My dad’s Facebook makes him look like a jet setting, serious boozing, fast car driving, certified lad. In reality he spends his evenings sipping decaff, going on his lame turbo trainer in the garage and begging me to go easy on him in scrabble.

Clicking from website to website we have developed the attention span of a goldfish on its last legs. This has led to bad consequences in supervisions. And yes, the internet is great for raising awareness. But it’s even better at forgetting them. What happened to #bringbackourgirls? Or does anyone really remember who Kony was?

Not even eduroam can stop this


Who knows what’s next for us in the future? Perhaps there will never be a need to leave your room again, just your mind vs. the net. 24/7. Worstly, I have a horrible vision that sarcasm is going to die out as it doesn’t always relate that well over the keyboard.

Or perhaps prolonged exposure to a plethora of porn will mean that everyone is so sexually deluded that nobody will be able to get it up in the future. The one child policy can move aside, the problem of overpopulation will be solved by porn hub.

Amiirite? Yeah, you’re not wrong.