Pembroke Bar Closed

In an unprecedented move by College authorities, Pembroke students have been barred from their own bar.

Pembroke students have been ROCKED by the announced closure of the bar from Wednesday through to Friday as a punishment for “discourteous behaviour”.

Following nights of RAUCUS PARTYING on the 14th and 15th October, officials backlashed on students, dealing them the punishment for “damaging the pool table, littering the premises and behaving discourteously to the Bar Staff”.

The general student response has been one of baffled confusion, with the majority being completely unaware of the scandal that had occurred.

One undergraduate spoke to The Tab about what they believed the Proctor was referring to: “It wasn’t the exceedingly messy hockey social or the Idlers vs Martlets swap or even  the first year girls vs the second year boys.

“I’m at a loss why these nights aren’t mentioned in the email”, he said with visible disappointment on his face.

A second student claimed the ban breached his “human right to drink beer” while another was distressed at the prospect of having to meet somewhere outside of the College’s defensive walls.

But while the students remain in the dark, we believe we have the explanation they all are looking for.

According to Tab sources, it is believed the main incident in question was the Second year girls vs first year boys partaking in a “CHUNDER FEST” in the bar area.

According to one reveller that night, she “couldn’t remember anything happening”, adding the caveat that she “didn’t really remember anything from that night” either.

This begs the question, what’s to stop the bar going ‘broke?