‘I’m a uni student get me out of here’: Nine things that would be Bushtucker trials for Bristol students

Imagine being forced to Voi past someone you fancy or play a lecture out loud in Wills

Eating rice and beans for a uni meal is pretty standard and walking into a lecture late can be as daunting as the jungle. Add that to the state of most student houses and I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! would be a holiday for some. 

The nation’s favourite show has started and if Matt Hancock can do it so can you, this season has got us thinking about what would be the worst tribulations to face at Bristol Uni?

Here are nine trials that will put your uni experience to the test and if you’ve done them then you could survive the show with ease. 

1. Wearing an Oh Polly dress on a Crofters night out

Did someone say social suicide? Time to get eaten alive by the predators of the jungle.

The Depop girls will spot you a mile away, nothing says basic like tight satin and if it’s pink you might as well drop out while you’re at it. 

This is a true test of balls but if you succeed without any judgmental looks then you’ve conquered Bristol stereotypes and know you can truly wear anything out. 

2. Wearing your Bristol lanyard round your neck 

Hello silly fresher, here’s what not to do when you get too uni. 

While it’s actually lowkey useful not to have to dig your Ucard out from the bottom of your Thekla tote bag, this falls under the things that should be illegal but aren’t.

Also if your keys are hanging off it you could probably pass as that nightmare netball teacher from year 12 or that one teacher who repeatedly told you “it’s your GCSE” . 

3. Drop a condom in the Senate coffee queue 

Time to wrap it up and order yourself an iced vanilla latte.

Senate is a social hub, whether you’re there for a pizza or silent study, it’s always busy and dropping a condom in the coffee queue is definitely one way to start sweating, maybe even more than when you put that condom to its intended use. 

4. Voi past someone you fancy

While they’re handy, something about these scoters makes them the ultimate ick. From scanning to parking and then trying not to fall off they don’t make you look that attractive. 

So why take the risk of bumping into the shag you thought was going somewhere? I’d personally rather get my ten thousand steps in. You’ll lose your Friday night date a lot quicker than you manage to get up Whiteladies, trust me.

 5. Rocking up to pres with your booze in a Waitrose bag 

Uber to the club on daddy’s card? Lost your signet ring last week? Rah.

No need to say where you’re from, it’s probably Surrey.

Time for a truly embarrassing challenge, if you thought being spotted doing a shop in M&S was bad just get ready to be taken the piss out of as you dare to carry your vodka like a Range Rover mum. Don’t worry though, someone will probably one up you with Selfridges or Harrods, if they even do carrier bags…

6. Having to play your lecture out loud in Wills 

Dirty looks and being surrounded by books, most people’s idea of hell.

You have balls of steal if you do this.

7. Taking a trip to Gravity sober 

The biggest trial of them all: resisting the sweet, fruity, awfully neon VKs.  

Get fighting your way through the sport fleeces on a Wednesday to the door because I’m sure you won’t be staying long. Make it worth your while though and take a BED Mondays poster to complete your look as a cringy fresh.

8. Walking to Combe Dingle, or worse up St Michael’s Hill  

Scrap park runs or the uni gym, this is the true test of fitness.

Might have to hit the elf bar half way to ease the pain, I’m sure that smokers cough isn’t going anytime soon so what’s the harm.

9. Completing the Cori Tap 10 before 10… without using the toilet 

The Cori Tap is a student favourite and their cider is a great way to spice up your pres before a night out, if you make it out that is. But trying not to break the seal is a new level of challenging, massive round of applause if you stumble out having achieved this one.

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