How to avoid messing up your UoB Freshers’, by someone who’s been there

It’s time to address the lanyard situation…


So we're about two weeks into the first term of uni. Freshers' week has come to an end, the sharks have been circling and someone on Bristruths claimed that the student health service briefly ran out of chlamydia test kits.

Now term has started, here are some Do's and Don'ts to help you survive your first year on campus.

1) DON'T: Be seen wearing your lanyard

This is a university wide debate and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. The general consensus seems to be that lanyards around your neck are a no-go and should only be worn by PHD students and lecturers. Try keeping it in your wallet or attached to your keys. This isn't college anymore.

2) DON'T: Complain about the hills

Did you even go to an open day?? If you did, you knew what you were signing up for. Every day is leg day on St Michael's Hill. Embrace it.

3) DON'T: Use living in Stoke Bishop as a substitute for a personality

Most of your bus-ride conversations feature the soundbites "where are you staying?" and "what course do you do?". They will soon, if it hasn't already, become tedious.

4) DO: Take advantage of your halls

Take advantage of your unlimited heating, hot showers, cleaners and responsive maintenance teams. Second and third years can't relate.

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5) DON'T: Become a club rep

All they do is leave flyers and messages on all your uni group chats promising "cheaper" grav tickets (which are usually the same price as normal tickets). It's annoying… jks I'll take 5.

6) DO: Be nice to Jason Donervan

He has seen you at your worst – shovelling chips down your throat to try and soak up the litres of VK you just drowned yourself in – but he never judges. Always appreciate the Donervan.

7) DON'T: Walk slowly in large groups

We're glad you're getting to know your course mates, but some of us have places to be and are studying in years that count. We know it's the fresh. We can see your lanyards.

8) DON'T: Panic about fitting in with the Bristol aesthetic

Don't force it. You'll be wearing corduroys, flares, corduroy flares, half zip fleeces and wavy shirts in no time.

9) DO: Explore Bristol as much as possible

You're in one of the best and most vibrant cities in the UK! There is so much more to it than the Triangle. Get out there, find new places and just enjoy being in Bris while you can.