What your choice of tinny says about you
Personality correlates with choice of crate
Tinnies, cans, cold ones- whatever you want to call them, nothing can quite match the cheap refreshing taste of a £1 supermarket beverage.
Now you might think that your choice of tipple was merely a matter of convenience or cost. But you would be wrong.
As you will discover below, the choice of tinny you sip from is THE defining character trait for our generation. Forget star signs or personality quizzes, read on to find what your choice of tinny says about you…
Gold rim or go home. You like the finer things in life. Your olives always taste better on the stone and between beers you mix Grey Goose with San Pellegrino. Whilst you strive for all things shiny, your intentions are perhaps misplaced. You will forever stand by your can, but the same remark will always pass your lips, "this tastes like tin."
Kronenbourg is the undisputed king of the crate. You know this, as you know a lot about beer, a topic that you sincerely believe can entertain a room full of house party acquaintances, for hours on end.
Upsettingly, instead of a 1664, you’d probably prefer a crisp pale ale, brewed in a Glaswegian basement, bottled at source, and sold by gender neutral llamas at an artisanal market. In terms of value for money, this craft ale fuses poor quality with ridiculous expense, making it the fitting accompaniment to your arts degree.
Unfortunately, it is rare that you can get your hands on that glorious GPA, so you settle for Kronenbourg and regularly announce to your friends, "it’s the best of a bad bunch."
Nothing to say really. You know who you are. You know what you’ve done.
You bring 20 green bad boys to every pres. Some may see this as a statement of intent, but to you, it is an act of charity. Whilst you have been known to receive, you are primarily a giver. You will always attempt to quench your host’s thirst and potentially even go so far as to shower your fellow guests with golden bubbles.
The trouble is, no one wants a Carly. Having failed to tempt anyone with your hoppy juices, you end up four cans deep cradling the remaining 16, as you prematurely waddle home at 11pm.
Your teachers probably used the word ‘potential’ a lot at parents evening.
Whilst your ancestors took enjoyment from ploughing England’s pasture’s green, you have evolved into both an athlete and an academic. An extra finger on each hand has enabled you to become adept at mathematics whilst the webbed spaces between your toes allow you to shimmer through water like a knife through butter.
Undoubtedly however, you are one of our more confident drinkers. You absorb daily criticism about your drinking preferences, but a persistence in the art of cider-drinking, has helped you strengthen your character and resolve.
Strongbow Dark Fruits
You are one of two people. You are a Dark Fruits user or a Dark Fruits abuser.
The user: You’d rather be chopping Fruit Shoots than pints, but having hit the ripe old age of 14, you have now realised that the journey to alcoholism is inevitable, so you may as well start somewhere.
The abuser: As the user matures, s/he becomes more of a maverick. Having realised that Diet Coke isn't good for your teeth, Dark Fruits becomes a healthier mixer that blends harmoniously with your Sainsbury’s basics vodka.