A final list of unbelievable quotes overheard in Bristol this term

‘How can you not have a Waitrose card?’


After our last smattering of words of wisdom, we thought we were done for the term. Yet a fortnight along and with term now (mercifully) at the end, we've scraped together another gems for one final offering.

From Twitter to Thekla, the ASS to the Apple, we have been gathering quotes, overhearing the garbled ramblings of angsty third years hurtling towards graduation (unemployment) and coke addled freshers trying to chirpse in the Bunker smoking area.

So sit back and enjoy 'Overheard in Bristol' for the final time this term as we bring you the best and the worst from Britain's most eminently quotable students…

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Hope that's a Waitrose trolley there

Economic affairs

On Dominos: "This neoliberal dystopia is where you think you have any relationship with your pizza order. That tracker is pure algorithms. Some fuck is still putting cheddar on your pizza while it says 'out for delivery'."

“But how can you not have a Waitrose card?”

“Yeah I got a tax rebate of £1500 on the family trust. But don’t worry- I spent most of it on this watch.”

In a charity shop: "Look! Real leatherette chairs, man."

“How do I work out this meal deal thing?”

Can you feel it in the air tonight?

Personal affairs

“I told him to choke my neck, not paw at it ineffectually”.

“Daddy wants me to do a law conversion but I see myself as more of a ‘stay at home mum lawyer’ not an actual lawyer”.

“I’ve heard she’s insecure- how do I use this to my advantage?”

“He’s like hummus- healthy, rich and filling”.

“My lecturer is such a fuckboy, he never replies to my emails”.

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Sadly Bristol SU elections this month were a far less quotable affair

World affairs

"I would take Philip Hammond over every other cabinet minister. I would sit on his face. He's a pragmatist."

“More anti-Semitism? Bloody hell, it’s all gone a bit ‘Have I Got Jews For You’ in Labour hasn’t it?”

“I used to believe in democracy until I went to Student Council”.

“John Knox, what a Calvinist twat”.

“My life’s been shit since Harambe got shot”.

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Rocking dem wavey garms

Fashion affairs

“Sorry if my jeans aren’t flary enough”.

“He’s an absolute worldie but I could never take someone home who wore jeans from Next”.

“Is white tie alright for formal tonight??”

“Making it on to Schoffel Spotting was probably my highlight of the year”

A guest upon visiting Badock: “Is it mufti day or something?”