Yet another list of incredible quotes actually overheard in Bristol this term

‘Our Manor Hall pool table is covered in semen’


We're seven weeks into term and despite an avalanche of snow and angry academics, the polished gems keep on coming from the mouths of Bristol students.

Whether it's on the backseats of the U1 bus or the beer stained surface of the Balloon bar, a Triangle smoking area or a coke fuelled house party, incredible quotes are always flying around Bristol.

From hall chats to pub crawls, one night stands to Snapchat stories, we've gathered the most amusing, infuriating, profound and perplexing words of wisdom spoken by UoB attendees this term….

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Going downhill faster than my grades

Snow and the Strikes

"God, you should have seen him on Sports Night- he strikes quicker than the UCU!"

To stark naked Wills students running around in the snow: "The naked people are so happy to be naked once they've been naked once- PUT SOME CLOTHES ON"

"I'm looking to get with my own Beast from the East tonight"

On the snow: "So will Waitrose be closed?"

"I haven’t been to lectures in so long that I’ve forgotten what I’m actually studying"

Can you feel it in the air tonight?

Love and Lust

"Since I broke up with her, I’ve been having a sexistential crisis"

"Our Manor Hall pool table is covered in semen- I know of at least two couples that have shagged on it"

On threesomes: "I could never do it, two half decent men don’t make a whole"

Watching the Six Nations: "Rugby girls are so much more attractive than football girls- it’s probably because they’re middle class"

"Does having the horn count as an extenuating circumstance?"

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Living that stereotype dream

Giving and taking

"Is anyone aware of where my wheelchair is?? Not seen it in a few months and in need of it again today!"

"The wheel chair isn’t even mine it’s the Red Cross’s so if you have it your stealing from old charitable ladies not me… think about that."

On the Cori Tap: "I just panic bought. It’s on daddy’s credit card, so it’s ok"

"As IF I would get on the U1, the idea of getting on a bus disgusts me- I get Ubers to my lectures and everything"

"I didn't know you could have soup from a can"

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Ain't no party like a political party amirite

Politics and the Press

"My marks improve with Marxism, I’ve noticed"

"So is The Whip satire or actual news?"

"Only in Bristol could ‘Shift the Overton Window’ be graffitied onto a wall"

"I mix business with pleasure, can’t spell tweed without weed"

"Epigram is like an 80-year-old woman, the Tab is like a 25 year old man with a little bit of abs"

More pearls of wisdom can be found here, here and here.