Why do no students want to sleep with Tories?

It’s a modern tragedy


Political outlook seems to be an odd distinction to make between people you want to date and those you’d rather not. You’d expect people to care more about reliability, ability to iron a shirt, or oral hygiene.

But it seems that for a lot of students, Tories are a no-go. It’s not unusual to see ‘Tories don’t swipe right’ on Tinder and I suspect the same is true of other dating apps.

What is it about Tories that people find so unappealing?

In my Tory circles – yes, there is such a thing – it’s common to hear of people not admitting their political affiliation to potential suitors. This strikes me as a bit wrong. At a very basic level they avoid the discussion of politics or when they do so, they are cautious about it.

But it can be a lot more extreme – I’ve heard of people going through their Facebook timelines and deleting every post that would suggest support for the Conservative Party, just in case their suitor Facebook stalked them.

Even worse, I’ve heard stories (plural) of post-sex discussions in which politics came up and, through fear of alienating their partner, a Tory has claimed to support another political party.

Where are women like this?

I must say at this point that this isn’t – I you choose to believe me – an airing of a personal grievance. When you’re an out-spoken Tory as I am you assume that those that take an interest in you wont care much about your politics. Mind you, I’ve already committed myself to a life alone with books, food, and probably my neighbour’s cat, for company.

My concern is for our closeted Tory friends – why is it that they have to hide a part of themselves?

The issue is that something odd has happened: people have begun to assume someone’s moral outlook depending on their politics. It appears that in recent times the idea of Tories being evil has become a self-evident truth. I assure you, it isn’t true.

If a person cares so much about society that they take time to engage in politics, surely it can be assumed that they care as much about other people as their ‘progressive’ counterparts?

That aside, there’s also the idea that your politics defines you completely.

Progressive equals moral and upstanding and Tory equals evil and hater of the underprivileged. Politics, if you choose to take an interest in it, is a tiny part of who you are.

You might be a whiz at the guitar, or very good at rugby, or whatever other trait is widely considered to be attractive. Are you telling me that a woman, for instance, would reject a sexually charged, vegan, skinny jean wearing, guitar playing singer songwriter, who also does some charity work on the side, for being a Tory?

Clearly politics isn’t that important and people shouldn’t think that it is.

Tories are nice, respectful (I hope), and polite (on the whole) so why wouldn’t you want to date one? They’re just like everyone else.