This is what your favourite night out in Bournemouth says about you

Choosing which university you go to is a big deal. It ranges from which place has the right course for you, your intellect and the location. BUT, you also need to think about maximising your university experience, and yes – that means where you are going to drink and when! So make sure to pack those tech fleeces or cut out mini dresses, because Bournemouth has it all.

Halo Mondays: Saints and Sinners

Halo Mondays are the epitome of hit or miss. Sometimes they have a DJ playing old house tracks from five years ago, and sometimes there are 10 people in the crowd half-falling asleep to WAP for the 100th time. When busy, this place can be great. There is one room and a small upper-level VIP area. If you go to the VIP section you are probably on the hunt for a mate, so you need the height advantage to scout out possible candidates. If you go standard entry, you probably got free entry from the bouncer that fancies you, or from the FATSOMA app. If you’ve turned up on free entry at 10pm, you’re probably blackout drunk and will find yourself hugging the toilet before more than 20 people have entered the club. Make sure to throw out those white airforces tomorrow, they stink of vomit and Sourz shots.

Revolution’s Toast Tuesdays 

Most Read

Barry McGuigan’s fatherly bond with Danny Jones is adorable, but what happened to his real dad?

Strange editing error proves I’m A Celeb’s Cyclone immunity challenge is a set up

I’m A Celeb’s GK Barry has a stonkingly huge net worth, here’s how she made her fortune

You are probably not the worst person I have ever met. Kudos to Toast Tuesday for the huge amount of traction they bring in every week. The line is round the corner, so make sure to pop a squat down the road before queuing up. This is the place to be if you drink too much and need free bread to sober up, if you love getting rammed into an overly crowded club with boys who have never owned deodorant and if you love freebies because they do weekly scratch card giveaways. Make sure to inhale an entire bottle of vodka at pres, you will need the added courage to survive and the layer of warmth because the cloakroom queue is simply not worth the effort.

Top Tip: Retreat to the smoking area for a temporary breather. Be warned, you will probably leave after agreeing to sign up to five different club guest lists and you will definitely need mouthwash after stealing tokes off of random strangers’ vapes.

Cameo Wednesdays 

You’re without a doubt a fresher. Someone who has been drawn in by one of the many societies that turn you into a feral-acting, heavy drinking, crazily dress eighteen-year-old. You definitely pencil this night in every week, and you will never miss one even if you have a severe case of Freshers’ Flu. There is no way you’d turn down a Jägerbomb, or the chance to drink out of a literal shoe and plaster it on your Snapchat Story. You are the kind of person who will then complain every Thursday, and only go into university lectures so people can ask you about your wild night out.

Heads up for next week: Mute your snapchat videos so your friends can’t hear your murdering the lyrics to another J Hus song.

Revolution XOXO Thursdays

The literal definition of desperate times, desperate measures. There is no where else open, you need the hair of the dog from the night before, or you’ve gotten a bit too drunk at O’Neill’s Karaoke Thursdays. Therefore, you end up at the bottom of the barrel – XOXO Thursdays at Revolution. Despite their attempt to make this a good night, with the free drink and candy floss on entry, you will be lucky to find more than 2o people in there – and 10 of them are workers! You only end up here if you are an absolute club rat, you’ve drunk too much at a pub an hour before or you’re finding an excuse to miss Friday’s seminars.

Bar So: Fire Fridays 

The likelihood of you being a university student is considerably reduced, unless you previously lived in Bournemouth and have been going to the same clubs since you were sixteen with your sibling’s ID. This club is catered towards people with full time jobs, less animalistic behaviours and a love for RnB. If you go here, you’re probably sipping on Tequila Rose and single vodka cokes to get you through the night in your Oh Polly dress. No shade, you just might be a little bit prestige.

Top Tip: This club is the best place to be for any events such as Halloween or NYE. They go all out! Sometimes a good night is worth the extra dollar.

The Old Fire Station: Lollipop

There is no way you are not a first or second year at BU. This is the place to be if you are a reckless student who likes pop hits and hates the smell of soap. Trust me, you will find no nice smelling people here. The amount of sweat you will endure from the queue alone should be a tale tale sign of what you’re getting yourself in for. Despite this, Lollipop is a wild night out. You will make 100 new friends in the smoking area or in the toilet. There’s no doubt you will dance the night away until the lights come up in the club and your white shoes will now be drenched in vodka.

Side note: I suggest hitting up the photo booth half way through the night, so you can be reminded tomorrow about what you actually looked like when you thought you looked like Michelle Keegan.

Pop World Sundays

You are probably over the age of 20 and mourning the loss of Walkabout’s Snakebite Sundays. I am almost 100 per cent sure you work in hospitality, had a few after work and ended up in the newly renovated Popworld – simply because you had nothing better to do and it is the only night of the week you close at a reasonable time. After a heavy night on the tequila shots and pints of cider, I can assure you that you will probably stumble into Camel with a group of middle aged women you met in the smoking area. There is no way you will be home before 4am and trust me, you will need a kebab from Tasty’s or you’ll be making a splash on the corner of Christchurch Road.

Try not to do this every week, or the ABBA and throw back RnB songs will be ruined for you.

Honourable mentions:

We also enjoy a night out at DYMK, if you enjoy a smaller club with some great, welcoming people. This is the place to be if you’re like me and you want to hold your girlfriend’s hand without a roadman holding a disposable Lost Mary looking at you for a little bit too long. Lastly, The Vault is the place to be if, and only if, they have a good rave on. Get your bucket hats and man bags out, this is where it is socially accepted to wear those sesh goggles you’ve had since you were sixteen.

Related articles recommended by this author:

• How to cook an egg and everything else Bournemouth freshers are frantically Googling right now

• These five BU moments shouldn’t be embarrassing but they really are

• These are the 10 most annoying people you’ll meet over your time at BU