The weather in Selly Oak on Monday is proof that God hates Donald Trump
Why else would it rain that much?
I’m sure that everybody noticed the abhorrent weather we suffered in Birmingham on Monday – personally I didn’t know whether to leave the house in boots or a canoe. UKIP Councillor David Silvestre once blamed weather conditions on the legislation of gay marriage. Is it such a stretch to believe that this weather is just a coincidence? Don’t be ridiculous! It must be because of Trump’s election.
His right-wing nationalism and dodgy attitudes towards Muslims, Mexicans and women have pissed everyone off, clearly including God, who has since brought this plague down upon us. If Hilary had been elected, I’m sure it would have all been rainbows and sunshine, with cherubs on every street corner singing.
What is the contrary evidence? The Met Office will probably try to argue that the bat-shit-insane rainstorm was caused by some weather system in the Atlantic. However, this is nonsense, as we all know that God controls the weather and dictates it at his behest when filled with disdain for human decision. And what human decision could be worse than electing Donald Trump?