We went to a Zumba class with a bunch of middle-aged women

Stretching up dem muscles lyk, wouldn’t wanna pull a hammy

We had a brief warm up and, to our surprise, the lights dimmed to create a weird, intimate atmosphere. It all happened so fast and before we knew it, it was show time.

Two hyperactive women took the stage and the confusion set in as all the women burst into the same carbon-copy dance. We looked at each other, before breaking into our own cagey, stuttered routine.

ermmmmm, what do?

We were convinced it was a cult. No instructions given at any point. The music started and people just  fell into a trance of latino samba dance, with everyone knowing the moves before the dance leaders had even done them. It was terrifying.

It quickly dawned on us just how completely sexual the whole class was. Slut drops, body rubbing, booty shaking and breast shimmying appeared in every routine. For the first few of songs it was very intimidating, but then we embraced our inner dancing spirits and let loose.

Super synched up here right?

The physical demands of Zumba are actually more strenuous than you might expect, but not in the conventional ways. We never struggled to breathe, but still ended up sweating buckets. The heat levels reached Yokos proportions.

Although we only had a 10 second break for every five minutes, we still managed to run out of water half way through the the hour-long session.

But then, just like that, the cruel dance torture was over. We were free, and the members of this bizarre cult retreated from the gym and slipped seamlessly back into their real world lives.

Then the the two leaders of the cult came over and introduced themselves.

They were impressed at the effort we made with our costumes and physical exertions – even if we basically got it wrong the entire time and were about 10 dance moves behind throughout.

Our cult leaders for the night

Although we both agreed to never voluntarily endure a session again, we now both know what Zumba is really about: sexual and physical liberation.

We were both surprised by the way our bodies could move this way, and can’t wait to bust these moves out in Yokos. We also have a new respect for the ladies who do these classes twice a week.

Down but not out!

We may have been out-classed and out-styled at every turn. But the energy was amazing in the hall and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

Would we recommend it? Definitely. You might not manage to do it with as much flair as us, but you’re guaranteed to have a brilliant laugh.