Thomas Hartley tells us his brutally honest verdicts on the new MAFS UK cast

The new Married at First Sight UK cast is out, with a load of new brides and grooms ready to walk down the aisle and see each other for the first time at the altar – such is the MAFS experience we’ve come to know and love. And who better to give his verdict on the 2023 cast of MAFS UK than Thomas Hartley, last year’s queen of the one liners and most iconic cast member by far. Ar Scouse queen knows exactly what it takes to make it on this show, so we rang Thomas up to give The Tab his exclusive verdict on the new hopefuls in the experiment. Of course, he did NOT hold back. But would we have it any other way?

Thomas on Thomas

Who better to start with than having Thomas of 2022 discuss Thomas of 2023? “Hate the suit, hate the shoes, hate the shirt if it’s lilac [it is]. Love that he loves animals. He’s cute. I appreciate him, wish him all the best… Boring.”

Thomas on Ella

“Slay, slay, slay, slay, slay. Ella is the first transgender bride ever to be on Married at First Sight UK and I am here for it. She could be wearing fucking anything, she’s gorgeous. She looks gorgeous, her dress is gorgeous, her hair’s gorgeous, her life’s gorgeous. I’m proud of her. I want to be her best friend. I want to embrace her. I hope she’s nice, I really, really do. Because she’ll be treated exactly the same as everybody else but firsthand this is massive and I really do love Channel 4 for doing this.”

Thomas on Jay

“Slay, Jay, you look gorgeous, completely stunning. Another massive dollop of diversity and inclusion. I hope her partner can be open minded and embrace her fully and wholeheartedly. I’m living. She looks stunning and she’s got vibey red hair.”

Thomas on Laura

This one instantly ruffles feathers, with Thomas’ iconic ma Helen piping up. “Is that what she’s actually wearing on the wedding day, what’s her name?” Thomas asks. “Laura. I think she’s trying to do a Sophie Habboo,” declares Hel. “Because she spends her time socialising in Chelsea.”

“She spends her time socialising in Chelsea?” Thomas scoffs. “No, her hair and face are not giving Chelsea to me. Hate the dress. Absolutely hate it. Looks like it’s from River Island.”

Thomas on Peggy

Next up on Thomas’ MAFS UK cast hitlist for 2023 is Peg. “Aw Peggy, me nan’s name. Dress is absolute fire, face is fire. Job’s boring. At least to me. This is off picture and description, don’t take anything personally guys, I haven’t killed anyone’s nan. She looks stunning, hope she finds the right partner.”

Thomas on Porscha

“Porscha, slay. Christianity, diversity, a beautiful Black goddess of a woman. Dress fits her in all the right places.”

Thomas on Rosaline

“I absolutely hate Rosaline’s dress. It’s giving prom night. She’s pretty. She looks like a really nice person. But I don’t like the dress. Is she a florist? That’s cute. That’s nice.”

Thomas on Shona

“Are really short dresses back in? For the biggest day of your life? You know what, she looks really nice but I absolutely hate the dress. It’s a bit of fabric with a side train on it. Sorry. I’m sure you’re lovely, you’re performing arts and all that – I wish you all the best.”

Thomas on Tasha

“Tasha’s a childcare assistant. Obviously, she looks… facially, really pretty. The dress looks like it’s from Shein. She’s giving off energy that I wouldn’t be friends with her and would probably have an argument with her as well.”

Thomas on Arthur

“Arthur’s from Poland, lives in London and he’s a tennis coach. Absolutely hate his jacket, it’s giving undertaker, it’s nothing I would go for in my whole entire life. Please, please let these outfits they’ve worn not be what they’re wearing on the wedding day. And I can say that, because let’s face it, I looked fucking fabulous.”

Thomas on Brad

“We’ve got Brad, who’s a model from Grimsby and a spiritual guru. He’s absolutely fucking gorgeous and I love his suit. I’m not laughing, but, obviously like… Can someone explain to me what a spiritual guru is? I’m not taking the piss, I actually don’t know. But good luck to you, Brad from Grimsby.”

Thomas on Georges

“Again, we’ve got another undertaker jacket with matching trousers. But Georges is my cuppa tea all over, delicious, chunky and funky, weird and wonderful. So come to mama, Georges, if your marriage doesn’t work out, love. Absolutely gorgeous.”

Thomas on Luke

“Again… Are we in 2023, fashion wise? Luke’s giving me… I’m just gonna be honest, this is not a personal attack, boring. Absolutely boring.”

Thomas on Nathanial

“Gorgeous face, outfit horrific. I really hope you did that bow tie up because it’s giving me late 90s boyband. N-Sync. Not for me at all. It’s giving my pound shop Ratpack member.”

Thomas on Paul

“Well, hello Paul! Love his suit. Love the flower. Too young for me, I’m afraid. But if you are gay I can make an exception for that.” “He isn’t,” Helen chips in. “Okay, you’re not gay. I’m absolutely devastated because I am looking to steal one of the new husbands. What’s his job?”

“Account manager.”

“Well, that’s boring, but best wishes to you my love.”

Thomas on Terence

“He looks smart. Absolutely detest the shoes. Please wear fucking socks on your wedding day. Come on. You’re not going to St Tropez. Anyway, he looks nice, he sounds nice, hope he finds the bride of his dreams and I hope she treats him well. Male fashion so far: dogshit.”

Thomas also had some parting words when he finished giving his 2023 MAFS UK cast verdict: “So, that’s my first impressions. I’m looking forward to working with The Tab on weekly verdicts, you won’t be getting any niceties from me because I got absolutely slaughtered.”

Follow Thomas Hartley on all socials at @thomashartleyofficial. 

For all the latest Married at First Sight UK news and gossip, iconic memes and the best MAFS quizzes, like The Holy Church of MAFS on Facebook.

Featured image via E4.

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