From Y2K to school disco: Every outfit at Coachella, ranked

Coachella – arguably the biggest festival in the world – is happening this month, which means it’s time to over-analyse some adequate dresses, made of material, on celebs’ bodies.

Festival fashion has been a hot topic since Coachella began, when tons of culturally-unaware A-listers used to wear Native American headdresses, bindis and cheongsams as “costumes”. Thankfully, those days are over, which means influencers actually have to come up with some creative ideas themselves.

So, while I sit stewing in my pit of a bedroom, I’m going to rank some rich people wearing clothes worth more than my entire life savings thrice-over. Here’s every influencer’s Coachella outfit, ranked:

15. Ava Phillippe

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I get it’s a collab with H&M – but this is probably what I would’ve worn when I worked there behind the till. The crocheted trousers are cute, but why is everything so beige? I just know Vanessa Hudgens (circa 2014) is spinning in her grave somewhere. Poor effort; one star.

14. Saffron Barker

I mean, this would be a lovely outfit if you were off to your grandad’s annual summer barbeque. I like the dress, but this is Coachella. You’re up against Hollywood celebs, you have to bring your A-game.

Saffron’s later offering was so much better. The white cowboy boots and blue crop top were screaming American Dream. I have to say though, the ripped shorts were giving me unwanted flashbacks to 2010 – I’m just relieved she didn’t pair them with a Rihanna t-shirt and Glee-themed Silly Bandz.

13. Kate Elisabeth

This is just so underwhelming, I’m sorry. The dress knocks off valuable points for looking like something I’d wear to bed. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just giving… nothing.

12. Lucinda Strafford

Okay, hear me out. I don’t actually hate this outfit at all – matching the playsuit with the body chain and makeup was a gorgeous decision. It’s just something I’d wear to Vodka Revs on a Saturday night, if I’m honest.

11. Hailey Bieber

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There are several reasons Hailey’s casual outfit isn’t sitting at no.15 right now. For one – it’d be way too obvious and I like to keep you in suspense. Most importantly, though, I *get* it. A decade ago, Coachella was the celeb-spotting event of the year. You’d see Beyoncé in a flower crown, Nicki Minaj by the pool and every single Kardashian posing for a precious photo-op.

Everyone’s moved on a bit since then – and, besides, why wouldn’t you go to a festival to just watch live music and feel comfortable? This is clearly what Hailey wanted to go for, and I salute her for it.

10. Maura Higgins

I liked this!! Maura’s outfit was sexy and the thigh-high cowboy boots were a nice addition. Simple, but effective.

9. Emma Chamberlain

Oh Emma, hun. This bodysuit is the very definition of mid-tier – in fact, it’s reminiscent of Karlie Kloss’ disastrous “looking camp right in the eye” moment. It’s fine, it’s just nothing to write home about.

8. Conan Gray

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It’s just a piece of fabric and some trousers, really. The hot pink is stunning, though, and the gloves are a new need.

7. Kaz Kamwi

THIS. IS. BEAUTIFUL. As a fuller-figured girlie, I’m an absolute sucker for a clingy bodycon. Extra points if it’s rhinestoned all over. Everything about this is a look – from Kaz’ sleek hair all the way down to her black cowboy boots.

6. Millie Court

Stunningly retro and absolutely iconic. From the jeans right the way to the jop top. Somewhere, a nine-year-old me with a crush on Daphne from Scooby Doo is sobbing at the ’60s style neckscarf. When Lana Del Rey wrote Coachella – Woodstock In My Mind she was clearly talking about Millie.

5. Paris Hilton

Paris is here because she’s Paris and she can do no wrong. In theory, I love the outfit (points will always be gained for star boobs in my book), but the tights? The clumpy boots? The jacket??? Maybe I’m projecting, but she looks like a walking NHS ad for heatstroke.

4. Chloe Bailey

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I just love this for Chloe, tbh. She looks great and she matches her hammock.

3. Halle Bailey

Can we all agree that Halle Bailey is the underrated Bailey sister? She looks great in this pink cut-out jumpsuit – and I have to say, I’m taking notes.

2. A’Whora

VERY Dirrty-era Christina. Everything about this look is just perfect.

1. Vanessa Hudgens

This outfit is EVERYTHING. Y2K in the best way with elements of today’s style. Vanessa looks amazing and I now need everything in my wardrobe to turn crocheted hot pink. The undisputed queen of Coachella strikes again.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• ‘This was dangerous’: Why are people comparing Coachella’s Revolve to Fyre Festival?
• Liam Payne has finally addressed the weird accent and *that* Oscars red carpet interview
• These are all the UK celebrities and influencers who went to Coachella

Featured image via Instagram.