The Love Island 2021 cast, ranked by how long they’d survive in a horror film
Brad would betray everyone to save himself I KNOW IT
The cast of Love Island 2021 have a lot in common with the teenage fodder who frequently end up massacred in horror films. Both tend to fit the same bill of conventionally gorgeous and sexy, either strong willed and intelligent or ditzy and funny, and the majority of them will definitely end up killed off (or dumped from the villa) before the credits roll.
If we could ensure that none of our Islanders this year actually lost their lives, I’d pay good money to see them all chucked into a horror film to see which influencer-in-the-making would emerge unscathed. Chuggs and Shannon have already been unceremoniously killed off before the film even begins, but who remaining would last the longest? Which Islander is the Laurie Strode and who is more of a Casey Becker? This is a considered ranking to see exactly who’d outlive who to be the scream queen king or queen of the villa!
14. Liberty – Dead in the opening scene
Poor, poor Liberty. She’s the Drew Barrymore of the horror film. A favourite in the outside world killed off at the start for shock value. Liberty is too sweet to go far in a horror. She’d be chopped into pieces before the theme tune even started – but she’d have an iconic death so… Love that for her.
13 and 12. Lucinda and Millie – Killed offscreen
Sorry to Lucinda and Millie, but the world isn’t invested enough yet. It would be one of them situations where an Islander goes round the side of the villa and finds some corpses and then knows the horror is about to begin. They never even make it to the villa before the evil gets them. Poor gals.
11. Rachel – Panics too much and gets caught
I like Rachel a lot, but cool, calm and collected she sadly is not. She’s been in the villa three days and has cried twice! I fear she doesn’t have what it takes to survive a horror landscape. Too much panic and faff. Would be gone too soon to miss.
10. Hugo – A clumsy death
Our resident villa king of putting his foot in it Hugo would die by quite literally putting his foot in it. Only in this instance, the “it” is a bear trap – or some other equally violent accidental error that leads him ending up in the killer’s clutches. Hard luck, pal.
9. Liam – A quick death in battle
Liam is like one of those silent but tough soldiers in a zombie film that’s always around to lend a hand, and everyone’s happy he’s there, but then he gets eaten. And people are sad, but he doesn’t get the sad music playing, dramatic death vibe? Everyone just sort of… Moves on? That’s Liam. Sorry, Liam.
8. Chloe – Somewhere in the middle
As we get to the film’s halfway point, Chloe would simply not be able to outrun the ghost, zombies or killer any longer. She’s been through enough, and is too glam to put up with such chaos. Think Sarah Michelle Gellar’s iconic beauty queen death as Helen Shivers in I Know What You Did Last Summer. That’s Chloe.
7. Aaron – He’s lasted long enough by this point tbh
If I’m being honest, Aaron could probably do a bit better than this. But after his comments about hairy arms, and fiery and career driven women he doesn’t deserve to. It’s 2021, and horror doesn’t reward toxic masculinity. Not on my watch!!!
6. Brad – Karma gets him after he betrays the group
Brad survives this long by slimy tactics. He’s in it to survive, and doesn’t care who survives with him. Would be that weasel character that sells everyone out to the killer in exchange for power or a free pass. And those weasels always come to a sticky end!
5. Jake – Time’s up, toe boy
Jake’s one of them horror characters that just ends up surviving ages by absolutely winging it. Just scraping by. People braver and nicer have died before him, he’s just LUCKY! But eventually that luck runs out, and it’s game over. So close, but yet so far. Sorry Jake x
4. Toby – Last lad standing, but sacrifices himself
Toby has a right good go at outlasting the killer, but in the end, it’s game over. It’s him or the girlies, and he makes a valiant sacrifice to ensure the other survivors get out alive. It’s got to be done! The martyr of the male cast of Love Island 2021.
3. Sharon – Survives, but dies in the first five minutes of the sequel
Sharon has survivor vibes, but she’d be ousted in the first 10 mins of the second a la Sarah Michelle Gellar in The Grudge remakes. Sharon is strong willed and outspoken, and she’d have the wit and cunning skills to last a good while in horror. Can imagine her being a bit like Rose McGowan’s Tatum from Scream – the best friend of the final girl and the queen of one liners.
2. Faye – Survives, does a sequel then gets her own Netflix spin off TV series
Queen Faye isn’t to be trifled with. She will be battling her way to them final credits, mark my words. Huge Courteney Cox as Gale Weathers energy. Continues to fight on in a sequel and that gets her own spin off where she fights evil and slays yet another day.
1. Kaz – A final girl for the ages
Kaz would just be a horror genre RESET. She’d be a force to be reckoned with. Sidney Prescott quite literally wants what she has. She’d be on the posters, the action figures, the video games. The killers see Kaz coming and they’re quaking. She’d be unkillable. If Kaz is in the gang and people start being killed off, stick with her. Because if you do, you might make it out alive.
Love Island continues tonight at 9pm. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.
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