Love Island meal deal

No ifs, no buts: This is the exact meal deal each of the Love Island 2021 cast would get

Sorry Jake, but nowhere sells toe sandwiches

You can find out everything you need to know about a person according to their choices on two crucial decisions: Their favourite Love Island alumni and what meal deal they get. Once I know your choices, I know if I’m going to be spending any more time in your company. Simple as.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I spend my hour watching Love Island agonising over what sandwich Kaz spends her lunchtime munching on. I need to know what drink Hugo glugged when he left his PE students in the dust for that villa. What crisps does Jake chomp on before he moves on to chomping toes? IT’S IMPORTANT!

Liberty: Cheese and tomato pasta, Skips and a Capri Sun

Love Island meal deal

The queen of Nando’s is happy with anything that isn’t a chicken wrap. She’s chicken wrapped OUT. She’s done too many split shifts with free peri peri scran to have to put up with a meal deal wrap imitation. I get young tastebuds energy from Liberty. She pines for the days when she could have chicken nuggets, chips and beans at the Wacky Warehouse.  A cheerful cheesy pasta, primary school playground Skips and a nostalgic Capri Sun. Juvenile but timeless.

Shannon: Pesto pasta, sweet chilli Sensations and a vitamin water

Love Island meal deal

Struggling to type this one through the tears of losing our beloved Shannon so soon in the game. This is a woman of taste, even if that taste was never appreciated by her fellow cast members. Her meal deal would be a flavour sensation, no pun intended in regards to her crisp choice. A premium meal deal for a premium Islander.

Hugo: ‘Taste the difference’ ham sandwich, boiled egg and spinach in a shit plastic pot and a sparkling water

Love Island meal deal

Pretentious PE teacher lunch. Thinks he’s too good because he’s got a name like Hugo to get the standard ham sarnie so gets the premium one to make an empty, vapid statement. Boiled egg in the mix for protein, obvs. Sparkling water for no other reason than to seek attention.

Brad: Hoisin duck wrap, salt and vinegar Walkers and a Tropicana

Chaos reigns in Brad’s meal deal. A reflection of his behaviour in the ‘snog the least attractive girl’ game last night. Clashing meal deal flavours to show the clash currently occurring in my heart, as I come to accept the fittest Love Island lad is also the most toxic. Justice for Faye, and RIP to your stomach Brad trying to digest all the acids in this lunchtime shit show.

Sharon: Hummus and falafel wrap, Hippeas and a San Pellegrino

Nobody truly wants this lunch, but Sharon is the kind of girl who feels obliged to eat it. It’s her brand. You can bet your life on the fact she’ll be sat there eating pea crisps and telling you they’re nicer than what you’ve got as you scran some beefy Hula Hoops. I respect the hustle, but I don’t respect the options. Hummus and falafel are gorgeous foods but not in meal deal form. San Pellegrino is no nicer than any other juice but everyone’s fallen for the placebo effect of its sexy can. Do better, Sharon.

Kaz: Sweet chilli chicken wrap, steak McCoy’s and a Coke Zero

Kaz is the best in the villa right now so she gets the best meal deal. I would love to be best friends with queen Kaz, and therefore she gets the food that I would want to scran. End of! Tasty wrap with the nicest sauce on the planet, crisps with a flavour overload and the best drink in the game. Only the finest for Kaz.

Toby: BLT, Kit Kat Chunky and a Fanta

A sturdy meal deal for a solid guy. We don’t know loads about Toby, but what we do know we like. His meal deal is the essence of that. Options you just can’t go wrong with. Dependable and filling. Not much branching out, but that’s okay. Everyone is happy with these choices. Crowdpleaser.

Faye: Fajita wrap, prawn cocktail Walkers and an iced coffee

A meal deal that packs a punch, just like resident icon Faye when she leathered Brad at the fire pit last night. A meal deal with more fire than the flames they sat by during that argument. Spicy and full of caffeine to fuel any future villa annihilations she might have stashed up her bikini.

Chloe: Sushi, Kettle Chips and a smoothie

Love Island meal deal

This meal deal can be described in a simple four words: Mutton dressed as lamb. Sushi is a poser choice. Nobody wants supermarket sushi. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. Unless, of course, your worst enemy was Chloe from Love Island. Kettle Chips are alright but they’re predominantly a bag of air, but someone like Chloe doesn’t care less about that as long as the bag aesthetic looks luxury.

Aaron: Chicken and bacon triple, posh Nomadic yoghurt and a Red Bull

Love Island meal deal

This Love Island meal deal choice functions purely on the logic of value for money. Aaron is here to milk the shop for all it’s worth. Wouldn’t be caught dead getting anything less than a triple, the yoghurts and Red Bull are two quid on their own so OF COURSE he’s choosing them. Go hard or go home.

Jake: Breakfast triple, Wotsits and a Monster

Love Island meal deal

Legend has it that if you combine these three chaotic choices in your mouth, you can replicate the taste sensation of sucking toes. Jake heard the rumours and now gets it every time without fail. Toes are his sweet nectar. His breath is basically a nuclear wasteland and you can’t go in the toilet after him unless you wait for at least 40 minutes. But that’s our Jakey! And we’d have him no other way.

Love Island 2021 continues on ITV2 at 9pm tonight. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook. 

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