Only the elite people who studied GCSE drama will relate to these 20 things

10. Every devised play being like an episode of Skins

3 years ago

If you studied drama GCSE, then you know the whole experience was extremely chaotic. Every single class felt like a bitchy fever dream.

No matter where you went to school in the UK, we all had the same drama GCSE experiences and you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t enjoy them. Like when we did our god-awful devised pieces and our teachers convinced us they were BAFTA award winning performances but we all know, deep down, they were a pile of dog shit.

Everyone who did drama GCSE was a theatre kid at heart, unless they didn’t want to be there but got stuck because it was either drama or computer science. Theatre kids are annoying, loud and they all want to be the centre of attention at the same time – it’s what made our drama classes so special and toxic.

Here are all the things you’ll understand if you studied GCSE drama:

1. Chair duets

Every damn drama teacher is OBSESSED with chair duets. Walking into a classroom of spotty teenagers sat on chairs looking like they’ve lost their mobile phone is one of the weirdest scenarios ever.

2. Breaking the fourth wall

Nothing beats a dramatic turn to the audience and breaking down that fourth wall. I felt like I was in Fleabag when I did my first one but then soon realised it just looked like I had an imaginary friend at the age of 16.

3. Random freeze frames

The more I think about it, the more I think freezing on the spot if one of the biggest icks in the world.

4. Black t-shirt and leggings became your second uniform

If you went to a normal state or Catholic school with no funding, then you’ll understand this one.

Your props would be empty wine bottles from the teachers who drank the contents on the weekend and bought them back into school to use in class. And your costumes would be limited to whatever you could find at home or just a classic plain black top and pair of leggings you begged your mum to buy you from Primark.

5. Feeling like you’re hot-shit when you get an afternoon off double maths to record your performance

SORRY MISS, I WON’T BE IN YOUR LESSON ON MONDAY COZ I’M AN ACTOR NOW XX

6. Frantic assembly moves

Drama is very physical, all those lifts, spins, twirls and jumps.

It was fun, but did we really have to carry 6ft John in from outside the classroom, do a lap with him in the air around the audience and then drop him in the centre of the stage?? Did we??? Really???

7. Being dragged into assembly performances against your will

Just because I chose to do drama GCSE, it doesn’t mean I want to perform in front of my entire year group tomorrow morning. BUT, duty calls I guess.

8. Performing to younger year groups

This was the best. Show casing your talent to the younger years, leaving them absolutely gobsmacked at how well you use Brechtian techniques in your devised piece. You were like AQA’s answer to Meryl Streep.

9. Every monologue starting with ‘I’ve always felt different’

BIG ICK. Why does every single GCSE monologue have to be about feeling different or “My mum always knew I was going to be different” – BORING. How did we actually cope with this shit for two years??

10. Every devised play being like an episode of Skins

Every performance would start with clicking, a very pale spotlight and an ensemble of awkward 15-year-olds saying: “D-D-D-D-D-D-DRUGS. S-S-S-S-S-SOCIAL MEDIA. He died,” in unison.

11. The one who thought it was a paid acting job

If this was you, why did you act like this??? It was year 10 drama classes, not National Theatre.

12. Sitting around and gossiping instead of rehearsing

When you weren’t showing off and taking part in a stellar performance, it’s likely you were bitching about someone else in the class.

13. Run Boy Run getting played every lesson

This song slapped hard. It’s a cult classic.

14.The person who did the sound and lighting was normally the weirdest one

If it wasn’t the teacher doing the tech, then it was the really weird kid in your year group. I’m sure they were nice but everyone kind of feared them – even the drama kids.

15. Opening and closing every devised piece with someone screaming

You can guarantee that every single GCSE drama performance starts with someone screaming “drugs”, “death” or “social media”.

16. The straight boy who acted gay for a decent mark

This was fucking weird, everyone had a male classmate who pretended to be gay in a performance, but no one called it out.

17. The one person in your class who doesn’t actually want to be there

They stuck out like a sore thumb. I bet someone immediately jumped to mind when you read this point. To be fair to them, they were the least problematic and the easiest person to get along with in the class.