These moments from Glee prove the writers were on another planet entirely
Artie wheels himself into a swimming pool
A show like Glee would never be made today. Its crossover between Brooklyn 99-level humour and X Factor-level karaoke could have only happened in the early 2010s – and it was quite honestly the most insane thing on TV at the time.
We've spoken before about the batshit moments from the first series, but what happened afterwards proves beyond any reasonable doubt the writers had lost the plot.
If, like everyone else, you stopped watching Glee after that iconic first series, these are the most ludicrous bits you were lucky enough to miss:
THE CLUB SPENDS A WEEK GETTING PISSED AND THEY ALL ROCK UP TO SCHOOL HUNGOVER AS FUCK
The episode culminates in the club performing Tik Tok by Ke$ha and vomiting all over the stage. It’s WILD.
GWENYTH PALTROW IS A GUEST TEACHER AND SHE SINGS A GARY GLITTER SONG
She waltzes in all like “you lot need better sex education” then covers a guy who was arrested for sex offences. Also she starts shagging Mr Schue and tbh I would also do that if I were married to Chris Martin.
THE CLUB DOES THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW AND DRESSES A 16-YEAR-OLD IN THESE???
Granted I am not complaining because Sam is like 30 irl so it’s okay and LOOK AT HIM.
LAUREN ZIZIS PERFORMS THIS AND IT IS A LOT TO TAKE IN
THE KIDS USE A MENTAL IMAGE OF COACH BEISTE TO ‘COOL OFF’ WITH THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND IT IS NOT OKAY
Was there a lesson here? It was just plain nasty tbh. I mean they sing a song – does that absolve them?
THE NEW DIRECTIONS PERFORMING TOXIC BY BRITNEY CAUSES A SEX RIOT
Obviously Mr Schue performs with them and humps a hat throughout the entire thing.
THEY WRITE ORIGINAL HIT SONGS LITERALLY HOURS BEFORE THEY’RE MEANT TO PERFORM THEM
Seriously in what reality would you even get on the plane to a singing competition in New York without even so much as picking your songs let alone rehearsing them? Sidenote: There’s no way in hell the popstar level production of those songs would have been done in time.
THE ENTIRE GRILLED CHEESUS EPISODE
Who pitched this episode? Who is responsible for Finn spending an hour praying to an actual toastie? People sat in a room and agreed this could be a legitimate episode. They must be found and jailed for their crimes.
ARTIE WHEELS HIMSELF INTO A SWIMMING POOL DURING THE ‘WE FOUND LOVE’ PERFORMANCE
I'm just going to leave this here.
PUCK AND QUINN TRY AND SABOTAGE ELSA FROM FROZEN’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HER ADOPTED CHILD
They hide hot sauce in her apartment because obviously social services would take your child off you for liking spice.
BUT THEN ELSA FROM FROZEN SLEEPS WITH PUCK
He seduces her by singing because of course he does.
MR SCHUE SAYS HE’LL ‘FIX’ EMMA’S OCD BY SINGING ‘FIX YOU’ BY COLDPLAY
That is not how OCD works, William.
THEY INTRODUCED THIS RORY GUY AND HIS ENTIRE PERSONALITY IS THAT HE’S IRISH
At one point he plots to fuck Brittany using Lucky Charms. No wonder he kind of just vanished from the show entirely.
ALSO WHAT HAPPENED TO JOE????
In truth the producers created a whole reality series to funnel new cast members onto the show, then couldn’t find any way to make them interesting – hence why most of them got ditched.
IT TAKES RICKY MARTIN TO CONVINCE MR SCHUE HE’S ACTUALLY A SHIT SPANISH TEACHER
You should not be teaching Spanish if you literally can’t speak it you tool!
FINN PROPOSES TO RACHEL AND THEY NEARLY GET MARRIED
Literally everyone in their lives tells them it’s a stupid idea and yet they go through with it. Jesus take the wheel.
QUINN GETS HIT BY A GODDAMN TRUCK
This is a pretty harsh way to tell people not to text and drive.
THEN SHE RECOVERS FROM PARALYSIS MIDWAY THROUGH SINGING 'TAKE MY BREATH AWAY'
I mean I know the song is a total belter but it’s not that good.
SAM HAS TO MAKE A LIVING PERFORMING AS A STRIPPER NAMED WHITE CHOCOLATE
It later turns out his family are doing just fine. Was he doing it for fun? For the clout?
EVERYONE GOT WEIRDLY UPSET OVER WHITNEY HUSTON’S DEATH
They had a vigil and it was super depressing. One of them even has a framed photo of her! Obvs she was iconic but a high school student would not literally mourn her. Yeesh.
THEY HAD A SECOND BRITNEY SPEARS EPISODE THAT WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST AN ADVERT
Yeah you know you love that classic “Hold It Against Me”…
KURT SOMEHOW GETS AN INTERNSHIP AT VOGUE
Meanwhile I’m here with my uni degree and 100 rejections.
HOW IN SWEET FUCK DO KURT AND RACHEL AFFORD THEIR SWANKY NEW YORK PAD
This has been said of every sitcom ever made but come on. These guys are at uni! In America! Which is expensive!
KATE HUDSON IS A FUCKING ARSEHOLE TO RACHEL
Every time she puts Rachel in the dirt she either breaks into a litty af musical number or shags her boyfriend. It’s peak times for Rach, to be honest.
THE ENTIRE 'KITTY GIVES MARLEY BULIMIA' PLOT WAS FUCKED UP FROM START TO FINISH
Okay let’s dissect the just how weird this storyline was: First you have Marley, who gets teased because her mum is overweight. There’s no redemption arc surrounding that – it just happens and everyone gets on with their lives. Then you have Kitty, who hates Marley, but still takes Marley under her wing.
Seemingly for not other reason than jealousy, Kitty leads Marley down a road of self-induced vomiting, which culminates in a full-on eating disorder, despite Marley already being super skinny. In other moments, Kitty throws herself into her friendship with Marley. One minute Kitty’s ALTERING MARLEY’S CLOTHES TO MAKE THEM SMALLER and giving her laxatives, the next she’s delivering encouraging speeches and singing duets with her.
The whole arc culminates in a malnourished Marley fainting during a performance of Gangnam Style, after which Kitty faces exactly zero consequences for what she’s done. It is not good.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS EVEN MORE CLAPPED? THE SCHOOL SHOOTING EPISODE
To this day it baffles me no one took the Glee writers aside and said: “Hey, school shootings are kind of a serious thing to feature in a show like Glee. Maybe let’s leave that one.”
THE GRAND TRIO OF FUCK WAS ROUNDED OUT BY A CATFISHING STORYLINE
And who did the ever-woke Glee script-writers decide should be the catfish desperate to chirpse the conventionally attractive white boy? A black trans person. Well done to everyone involved.
THIS ENTIRE PERFORMANCE OF 'BABY GOT BACK' WAS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY
Look at the face he pulls at about 0:56. You can see the regret in his eyes.
UMMM WHY IS A SHOWCHOIR TAKING STEROIDS????
Answer: For plot convenience.
BRODY IS A LITERAL ESCORT!!!
In fairness he sings “How to Be a Heartbreaker” while dancing with his older lady friend and Rachel sings the bridge. I’m not exaggerating but it’s art.
PUCK STARTS HOOKING UP WITH KITTY AND IT’S NOT OKAY
She. Is. Still. In. School.
WHY DON’T THESE GRADUATES ALL JUST FUCK OFF?
Seriously every single graduate returns at some point. Oh, the musical needs a “vocal director”? Better get Mercedes. They don’t know how to dance? Ring Mike. These people need to move on.
WILL AND EMMA GET MARRIED IN THE ACTUAL CHOIR ROOM
Mr Schue these people are schoolchildren they are not your friends!
THERE IS A WHOLE EPISODE ON TWERKING
Because all the kids were doing it.
MR SCHUE KICKS MARLEY OUT OF GLEE BECAUSE SHE WON’T DRESS IN A LADY GAGA-STYLE SEA SHELL BIKINI
He actually says: “You put your personal agenda above us winning a championship.” Mr Schue you can’t just force people to dress up half naked they are children.
WHY WERE ADAM LAMBERT AND DEMI LOVATO IN THE CAST AND WHERE DID HE GO??
Remember when they all started a band? No? Me neither. Adam was probably sent to the same meat grinder Rory was.
RACHEL CANS IN HER BROADWAY DREAMS AND IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE
Character development? I don’t know her.
SORRY BUT ALL THESE 23-YEAR-OLDS CAN’T POSSIBLY TEACH IN SCHOOLS
Blaine, Rachel, Kurt, AND Sam all take up teaching positions at McKinley despite having zero teaching qualifications between them, or even a degree.
SUE TRAPS KURT AND BLAINE IN A LIFT AND MAKES THEM KISS
I’m pretty sure that is illegal. Actually scratch that it’s definitely illegal.
SHE ALSO HYPNOTISES SAM WHICH IS JUST DUMB
I have it on good authority they actually used a random word generator to devise this storyline.
THEN – THEN – SHE BUYS A BEAR AND PUTS IT IN BLAINE’S HOUSE
It’s a gay joke guys. Do you get it guys? Wait don’t go.
STEPHEN HAWKING IS APPARENTLY BRITTANY'S FATHER
I’m sure the Stephen Hawking foundation or whatever would have sued if anyone had seen this season. But no one had so it’s okay.
THE BEISTE BEING TRANS PLOT WAS BOTH WOKE AND BROKE AT THE SAME TIME
The entire Bieste transitioning arc happens in the space of about two episodes and felt crow-barred in. It was indicative of the way Glee tried desperately to tackle every possible contemporary issue it could, yet somehow manage to tackle them all badly. Which is honestly impressive when you think about it.
EVERYONE GETS MARRIED
You know how in Friends most of the characters end up in happy relationships because they’re adults with lives and that’s what you’d expect? Glee shoots for the same sentiment forgetting these characters are barely out of high school.
WHY IS THIS CHILD NOW A MEMBER OF THE NEW DIRECTIONS???
That is not how high school works, you can’t just bribe your way in if you’re underage this is not a club in Guilford.
THE ENTIRE DREAMS COME TRUE EPISODE WAS JUST STUPID
Kurt and Blaine get married. Rachel wins a Tony. Everyone is a success. But none of that is as ridiculous as Mr Schue running a whole school of Glee clubs. An insane ending to an insane show.
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