I rewatched the first season of Glee and honestly what were these people on?
The sonographer enabled Terri’s fake pregnancy
2009 was a different world. Lady GaGa had just landed, Olly Murs was on X Factor, and Glee was about to change culture forever. After producer Ryan Murphy realised people were still obsessing over High School Musical well into their adolescence, he came up with a simple premise to satiate their needs: A High School drama where people occasionally break into song.
It was amazing, ridiculous, and incredibly gay. Honestly, it made Queer Eye look like Top Gear.
Either you obsessively watched this clusterfuck of a series until it slowly strangled itself to death, or you had no idea it ever existed. For old times' sake, we revisited Glee's debut season, unanimously regarded as its best one, and compiled are all the moments that will just make you say: "What in the actual fuck were these people taking?"
'DON’T STOP BELIEVING' WAS LEGITIMATELY A MASSIVE CHART HIT AND IT WASN’T THE ONLY ONE
Bare in mind this was before streaming was invented so people actually spent real money on Don’t Stop Believing (UK #2), Halo/Walking on Sunshine (UK#9), and TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (UK#9). Jesus Christ.
TERRI FAKED HAVING MR. SCHUE’S BABY
I mean you have to use “faked” loosely here because she was having a hysterical pregnancy, but after the initial hysteria she was definitely having him on what with the fake baby bump and getting her sis in on it.
AND EVEN THE SONOGRAPHER WAS IN ON IT
Someone needs to whistleblow that crook.
MERCEDES TOLD PUCK NOT TO TELL FINN HE WAS QUINN’S BABY DADDY
That child deserves to know who the real father is, Mercedes!!!!!
RE: MERCEDES BEING A FUCKING IDIOT, SHE DOESN’T REALISE KURT IS GAY THEN THROWS A BRICK THROUGH HIS WINDOW WHEN HE BLUFFS HER BY SAYING HE’S SEEING RACHEL
She then starts singing “Bust Your Windows” because obviously this was the most plausible way to lead into that song.
AND THAT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY WHEN YOU’RE A STUDENT AT SCHOOL!!!!
This isn’t 90210, Mercedes. We live in Ohio.
THE PERFORMANCE OF PUSH IT IS HONESTLY THE MOST CLAPPED THING TO HAVE EVER BEEN CONCEPTUALISED
I mean I get that’s the point, but the hip thrusting is NOT okay, neither is Artie bouncing the girls’ bums.
CAN EVERYONE STOP DESCRIBING ARTIE AS A 'CRIPPLE'
The episode where they all go round in wheelchairs to “see what it’s like” is great until you realise the guy who plays Artie is not actually disabled.
FINN ACTUALLY BELIEVED HE AND QUINN CONCEIVED A CHILD VIA HIS SPERM TRAVELLING IN THE JACUZZI WATERS
AND IF THAT’S NOT A CRY OUT FOR BETTER SEX EDUCATION THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!!!!!!!
WHY DOES THE SCHOOL SELL SLUSHIES THAT WILL BE THROWN ON OTHER KIDS???
Like, surely hundreds of bullied children have gone to the principal’s office like “hey what’s up with you facilitating my bullying”??
MR SCHUE DANCES AND SINGS WEIRDLY CLOSE TO THE STUDENTS AND IF I WERE AN OFSTED REPORTER I’D GIVE HIM A BIG FAT ZERO
Look into my eyes and tell me this is appropriate !!!
ALSO MR SCHUE RAPS AND IT’S NOT OKAY
Is it cultural appropriation or is it just really really bad?
AND WHEN HE AND RACHEL SANG A BALLAD TOGETHER THEY WERE HONESTLY EYE FUCKING
It’s so uncomfortable.
AND – AND – HE RECRUITS FINN WHEN HE OVERHEARS HIM SINGING IN THE SHOWER AND THE TWO OF THEM ARE THE ONLY ONES IN THE ROOM
Lock this man up.
EVERY OTHER ACAPELLA GROUP IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN NEW DIRECTIONS SO HOW THE FUCK DO THEY END UP WINNING
The outfits are better, there’s double the number of students, everyone can sing, everyone’s an amazing dancer, they have way better mash ups and they actually look cool. So please, PLEASE someone tell me about the deleted scene where Mr Schue pays the judges one thousand dollars to let the Mckinley High Glee club win sectionals because CHRIST what I am seeing is NOT 10/10 and clearly a FIX.
THE SERIES IS ACTUALLY JUST FULL OF CRIME
Mr Schue BLACKMAILS a student in the FIRST EPISODE, Terri DRUGS the Glee club to enhance their performance – I just wanted an innocent show within a safe space of musical theatre and I’m not getting that!!!
ANYONE ELSE THINK IT’S REALLY FUCKING WEIRD THAT TERRI KNEW WHICH CAR WAS QUINN’S???
She pops out of nowhere and tbh it’s irresponsible Quinn even agreed to give Terri her baby after that. That’s like something out of a Netflix true-crime series.
FOR REASONS UNFATHOMABLE TO HUMAN THINKING, FINN SINGS ‘YOU’RE HAVING MY BABY’ TO QUINN IN. FRONT. OF. HER. PARENTS.
Finn has a history of this weird behaviour. He sings “I’ll Stand by You” to Quinn’s sonogram. Joke’s on him – baby’s not even his.
YOU CAN’T JUST CALL THIS GUY ‘OTHER ASIAN’ ALL THE TIME
There is literally en episode where Sue annexes half the Glee club, but specifically picks the minority students for her team because Glee is a show about celebrating diversity.
TINA FAKES A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT
Honestly, sometimes I think the writers of Glee smoked a huge joint and took a tab of acid and then wrote down whatever storyline came into their heads, LIKE THIS ONE.
RUN JOEY RUN
This is why High School Musical is for wee kids and Glee is for shaggers.
THREE DIFFERENT COUPLES ATTEMPT TO HAVE THEIR FIRST TIME WHILE SINGING ‘LIKE A VIRGIN’ TO EACH OTHER
It is the most soft core thing you’ll ever see.
WILL SINGS 'THE THONG SONG' TO EMMA AND IT KIND OF SLAPS???
Will’s schtick on Glee was stripping down to a tight white vest/t shirt mid song and wow.
BUT THEN LIKE, SHE’S A BRIDE TO BE SO GETS YOUR DIRTY MITTS OFF HER MR. SCHUE! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE!!!!
You can’t just go up to a woman in her white bridal dress and talk about THONGS.
THE GUY WHO PLAYS THE PIANO IN THE CHOIR ROOM JUST *KNOWS* LITERALLY EVERY SONG EVER MADE
I mean sure, they lampshade this, but in what world would this ever be possible?
RACHEL’S MUM IS ACTUALLY ELSA FROM FROZEN/WICKED AND THEY LOOK/SING FREAKISHLY SIMILAR
They reconcile the fact that they’ll never truly be close by singing Poker Face to each other, so don’t worry.
CAN SOMEONE CONFIRM IF CELIBACY CLUBS EXIST?
That shit is weird.
QUINN GIVING BIRTH TO HER CHILD HAPPENS DURING A PERFORMANCE OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
She screams “let me go” at the same time Jesse sings it. What were these people on?
I’M STILL UNSURE WHETHER THAT BIT WHERE THE DEAF KIDS DO ‘IMAGINE’ WAS OFFENSIVE OR NOT
Okay it was touching till the New Directions started joining in.
HOW IN THE NAME OF GOD ARE VERY OBVIOUSLY 30-YEAR-OLD MEN MEAN TO RESEMBLE 16-YEAR-OLDS
Finn and Puck are quite clearly grown men.
WILL INVITES AN OLDER STUDENT BACK TO THE SCHOOL AND SHE GETS THE KIDS DRUNK
I quote from the Glee Wiki here: “He discovers that April Rhodes, a member of the club during his own high school days, never actually graduated, and convinces her to return to school in order to get her diploma and join the Glee club.” How in the name of God?
AND ALSO, IF YOU WERE IN THE GLEE CLUB AND APRIL SHOWED UP AND SANG THE MAIN PART YOU WOULD OBVIOUSLY QUIT
How is it fair or possible that some washed up pisshead gets to put on the pink cowgirl outfit and take centre stage above everyone else who has worked day and NIGHT to make Glee club a success? I object.
KURT GOES OUT WITH A GIRL AT ONE POINT DESPITE BEING OPENLY GAY AND THE BIT WHERE THEY MAKE OUT IS HONESTLY ANTI PORN
It is almost as ridiculous as the bit where Kurt uses the power of Beyonce’s single ladies to become an expert kicker.
WILL IS A SPANISH TEACHER DESPITE OPENLY ADMITTING HE’S NOT VERY GOOD AT SPANISH
Somehow he gets fired from his job and becomes a full time Glee Club director.