I rewatched the first season of Glee and honestly what were these people on?

The sonographer enabled Terri’s fake pregnancy


2009 was a different world. Lady GaGa had just landed, Olly Murs was on X Factor, and Glee was about to change culture forever. After producer Ryan Murphy realised people were still obsessing over High School Musical well into their adolescence, he came up with a simple premise to satiate their needs: A High School drama where people occasionally break into song.

It was amazing, ridiculous, and incredibly gay. Honestly, it made Queer Eye look like Top Gear.

Either you obsessively watched this clusterfuck of a series until it slowly strangled itself to death, or you had no idea it ever existed. For old times' sake, we revisited Glee's debut season, unanimously regarded as its best one, and compiled are all the moments that will just make you say: "What in the actual fuck were these people taking?"

'DON’T STOP BELIEVING' WAS LEGITIMATELY A MASSIVE CHART HIT AND IT WASN’T THE ONLY ONE

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These outfits are honestly awful

Bare in mind this was before streaming was invented so people actually spent real money on Don’t Stop Believing (UK #2), Halo/Walking on Sunshine (UK#9), and TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (UK#9). Jesus Christ.

TERRI FAKED HAVING MR. SCHUE’S BABY

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This was a plot written by actual writers!!

I mean you have to use “faked” loosely here because she was having a hysterical pregnancy, but after the initial hysteria she was definitely having him on what with the fake baby bump and getting her sis in on it.

AND EVEN THE SONOGRAPHER WAS IN ON IT

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He literally uses a DVD of Quinn's sonogram to fool Mr Schue

Someone needs to whistleblow that crook.

MERCEDES TOLD PUCK NOT TO TELL FINN HE WAS QUINN’S BABY DADDY

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NOT OKAY

That child deserves to know who the real father is, Mercedes!!!!!

RE: MERCEDES BEING A FUCKING IDIOT, SHE DOESN’T REALISE KURT IS GAY THEN THROWS A BRICK THROUGH HIS WINDOW WHEN HE BLUFFS HER BY SAYING HE’S SEEING RACHEL

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This isn't even the worst segway into a song

She then starts singing “Bust Your Windows” because obviously this was the most plausible way to lead into that song.

AND THAT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY WHEN YOU’RE A STUDENT AT SCHOOL!!!!

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How conveniently co-ordinated

This isn’t 90210, Mercedes. We live in Ohio.

THE PERFORMANCE OF PUSH IT IS HONESTLY THE MOST CLAPPED THING TO HAVE EVER BEEN CONCEPTUALISED

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Jesus Christ this isn't okay

I mean I get that’s the point, but the hip thrusting is NOT okay, neither is Artie bouncing the girls’ bums.

CAN EVERYONE STOP DESCRIBING ARTIE AS A 'CRIPPLE'

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It's not funny guys

The episode where they all go round in wheelchairs to “see what it’s like” is great until you realise the guy who plays Artie is not actually disabled.

FINN ACTUALLY BELIEVED HE AND QUINN CONCEIVED A CHILD VIA HIS SPERM TRAVELLING IN THE JACUZZI WATERS

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I'm sorry but if Finn genuinely fell for it that's on him

AND IF THAT’S NOT A CRY OUT FOR BETTER SEX EDUCATION THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!!!!!!!

WHY DOES THE SCHOOL SELL SLUSHIES THAT WILL BE THROWN ON OTHER KIDS???

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Why would you waste such a delicious slushie?

Like, surely hundreds of bullied children have gone to the principal’s office like “hey what’s up with you facilitating my bullying”??

MR SCHUE DANCES AND SINGS WEIRDLY CLOSE TO THE STUDENTS AND IF I WERE AN OFSTED REPORTER I’D GIVE HIM A BIG FAT ZERO

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NO. TOUCHING.

Look into my eyes and tell me this is appropriate !!!

ALSO MR SCHUE RAPS AND IT’S NOT OKAY

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He is every white boy at your SU night

Is it cultural appropriation or is it just really really bad?

AND WHEN HE AND RACHEL SANG A BALLAD TOGETHER THEY WERE HONESTLY EYE FUCKING

It’s so uncomfortable.

AND – AND – HE RECRUITS FINN WHEN HE OVERHEARS HIM SINGING IN THE SHOWER AND THE TWO OF THEM ARE THE ONLY ONES IN THE ROOM

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He is NAKED Mr Schue – leave him be

Lock this man up.

EVERY OTHER ACAPELLA GROUP IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN NEW DIRECTIONS SO HOW THE FUCK DO THEY END UP WINNING

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How can you see a group called Vocal Adrenaline and think 'New Directions' is a viable name

The outfits are better, there’s double the number of students, everyone can sing, everyone’s an amazing dancer, they have way better mash ups and they actually look cool. So please, PLEASE someone tell me about the deleted scene where Mr Schue pays the judges one thousand dollars to let the Mckinley High Glee club win sectionals because CHRIST what I am seeing is NOT 10/10 and clearly a FIX.

THE SERIES IS ACTUALLY JUST FULL OF CRIME

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RED. ALERT.

Mr Schue BLACKMAILS a student in the FIRST EPISODE, Terri DRUGS the Glee club to enhance their performance – I just wanted an innocent show within a safe space of musical theatre and I’m not getting that!!!

ANYONE ELSE THINK IT’S REALLY FUCKING WEIRD THAT TERRI KNEW WHICH CAR WAS QUINN’S???

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How did she get in without keys???

She pops out of nowhere and tbh it’s irresponsible Quinn even agreed to give Terri her baby after that. That’s like something out of a Netflix true-crime series.

FOR REASONS UNFATHOMABLE TO HUMAN THINKING, FINN SINGS ‘YOU’RE HAVING MY BABY’ TO QUINN IN. FRONT. OF. HER. PARENTS.

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I can feel myself clenching looking at this picture

Finn has a history of this weird behaviour. He sings “I’ll Stand by You” to Quinn’s sonogram. Joke’s on him – baby’s not even his.

YOU CAN’T JUST CALL THIS GUY ‘OTHER ASIAN’ ALL THE TIME

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Love me some 2010 light racism

There is literally en episode where Sue annexes half the Glee club, but specifically picks the minority students for her team because Glee is a show about celebrating diversity.

TINA FAKES A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT

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For SHAME, Tina

Honestly, sometimes I think the writers of Glee smoked a huge joint and took a tab of acid and then wrote down whatever storyline came into their heads, LIKE THIS ONE.

RUN JOEY RUN

This is why High School Musical is for wee kids and Glee is for shaggers.

THREE DIFFERENT COUPLES ATTEMPT TO HAVE THEIR FIRST TIME WHILE SINGING ‘LIKE A VIRGIN’ TO EACH OTHER

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Your girl walks in for her first time singing Madonna, wyd?

It is the most soft core thing you’ll ever see.

WILL SINGS 'THE THONG SONG' TO EMMA AND IT KIND OF SLAPS???

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There are RULES about this stuff, Will

Will’s schtick on Glee was stripping down to a tight white vest/t shirt mid song and wow.

BUT THEN LIKE, SHE’S A BRIDE TO BE SO GETS YOUR DIRTY MITTS OFF HER MR. SCHUE! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE!!!!

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YOU ARE ALSO MARRIED

You can’t just go up to a woman in her white bridal dress and talk about THONGS.

THE GUY WHO PLAYS THE PIANO IN THE CHOIR ROOM JUST *KNOWS* LITERALLY EVERY SONG EVER MADE

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He's in the corner, out of focus, as per

I mean sure, they lampshade this, but in what world would this ever be possible?

RACHEL’S MUM IS ACTUALLY ELSA FROM FROZEN/WICKED AND THEY LOOK/SING FREAKISHLY SIMILAR

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10/10 casting

They reconcile the fact that they’ll never truly be close by singing Poker Face to each other, so don’t worry.

CAN SOMEONE CONFIRM IF CELIBACY CLUBS EXIST?

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I feel you Rachel

That shit is weird.

QUINN GIVING BIRTH TO HER CHILD HAPPENS DURING A PERFORMANCE OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

She screams “let me go” at the same time Jesse sings it. What were these people on?

I’M STILL UNSURE WHETHER THAT BIT WHERE THE DEAF KIDS DO ‘IMAGINE’ WAS OFFENSIVE OR NOT

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You sit there in those chairs and watch them respectfully

Okay it was touching till the New Directions started joining in.

HOW IN THE NAME OF GOD ARE VERY OBVIOUSLY 30-YEAR-OLD MEN MEAN TO RESEMBLE 16-YEAR-OLDS

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A 16-year-old

Finn and Puck are quite clearly grown men.

WILL INVITES AN OLDER STUDENT BACK TO THE SCHOOL AND SHE GETS THE KIDS DRUNK

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ILLEGAL

I quote from the Glee Wiki here: “He discovers that April Rhodes, a member of the club during his own high school days, never actually graduated, and convinces her to return to school in order to get her diploma and join the Glee club.” How in the name of God?

AND ALSO, IF YOU WERE IN THE GLEE CLUB AND APRIL SHOWED UP AND SANG THE MAIN PART YOU WOULD OBVIOUSLY QUIT

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That should be ME

How is it fair or possible that some washed up pisshead gets to put on the pink cowgirl outfit and take centre stage above everyone else who has worked day and NIGHT to make Glee club a success? I object.

KURT GOES OUT WITH A GIRL AT ONE POINT DESPITE BEING OPENLY GAY AND THE BIT WHERE THEY MAKE OUT IS HONESTLY ANTI PORN

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Look at that hand placement

It is almost as ridiculous as the bit where Kurt uses the power of Beyonce’s single ladies to become an expert kicker.

WILL IS A SPANISH TEACHER DESPITE OPENLY ADMITTING HE’S NOT VERY GOOD AT SPANISH

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Honestly he's the main antagonist

Somehow he gets fired from his job and becomes a full time Glee Club director.

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