What your questionable choice of British cereal says about your overall demeanour
Krave is the fuckboy of the cereal world – you just can’t help going back for more
New year new you? Don't count on it. Within a few weeks you'll be settled back into your bad habits, and it's the little things that truly reveal who you really are.
We've tried analysing your choice of crisps, fizzy drinks and trainers but, if you search deep down into your soul, it is definitely your questionable opinions on breakfast cereals that give away how much of a wrong'un you are.
If you eat Krave you're definitely a fuckboy, whereas those who start their day off with a bowl of Alpen are definitely the mum of the group.
Don’t believe us? Find your favourite British cereal below and see what it says about your general vibe.
Still living with your parents and sleeping in the same bedspread from your childhood right? The thrill you get when the Coco Pops make the milk turn chocolately hasn’t been topped yet, even though you’re well into your twenties.
Deep down, you've got the personality of a dry Weetabix. Flaky, hard to swallow, tasteless. But you hide all these defects by covering it up with some berries, or a banana and some strawberries.
You're probably vegan, and probably doing dry Jan. Not because you care about the planet or because you want to improve your health, but because it will give you a conversation topic that you can drone on about for HOURS.
Weetabix Crispy Minis
You know you’re relatively boring – you’ve overheard people say it – so in attempt to be more fun you’ve reduced yourself to fun-sized cereal. Your whole life has become miniature to give off a kooky aesthetic, like eating small burgers, small cupcakes and the rest. But deep down you’re miserable with this way of being, and you'll no doubt revert back to boring, bland and regular Weetabix in no time.
Basically the same as Weetabix Crispy Minis but you grew up in Slough instead of Surrey.
It must be nice having a medium to large amount of cash to justify shelling out £3.50 for basically three bowls worth of cereal. Ah no wait, it was Daddy’s money wasn’t it.
Jordan's Country Crisp
You don't vote Tory, but only out of social embarrassment, and don't see what the problem is with chav socials.
The fuckboy of the cereal world. You just can’t help going back for more.
You're definitely the Mum of your friendship group. Up every morning at 8am, eating your Alpen at the kitchen table, listening to Radio 4 and planning out your long, hard day of work in the library. Your name is probably Amelia or Katie and your housemates wouldn't get through life without you.
GCSEs are hard, but you should really try and nail the difference between an ox-bow lake and scree considering this is your fourth attempt.
Getting conned by Kony 2012 is forgivable, you were young, but you also genuinely believe Shreddies are knitted by nanas and getting conned into spending your hard-earned cash on such a nothing cereal in order to provide an income to some imaginary grandmas is beyond the pale.
Congratulations on maintaining an impressively low level of hygiene. Sugar Puffs look like little soggy dismembered bugs and they're not even very sugary so please just sort your life out.
You voted for Brexit. Your opinions on immigration are as unappetising as the picture below.
History was the obvious choice at uni because you didn't know what else to do, and it's that sort of mentality that has left you with an underwhelming bowl of Cheerios. They don't taste of anything and the "five whole grain goodness" of those o's won't matter when we're all blasted into nuclear oblivion sooner rather than later.
Life is hard and then you die, stop being so indecisive and start living your life.
Honey Nut Cheerios
Your idea of a fun night out is Porn Star Martinis with the girls in Be At One followed by passing out in bed at 1am with a tray of cheesy chips resting beside your head on the pillow, aka perfection.
Like Coco Pops but involves more nose picking and farting in public and finding it funny.
Everyone avoids you at pre-drinks.
Convinced you're a pretty fun person to be around but really you're only a slightly more interesting version of a Cornflake. You probably went to Cardiff Uni or somewhere equally as basic. You love Peep Show, dogs, and going on nights out. All very standard things to enjoy that are in no way, shape or form substitutes for a personality.
Crunchy Nut Clusters
A great all-round person. Reliable, there when your friends need you most but also good fun, you always go the distance on a night out. Unlike standard Crunchy Nut you don't need to be liked, it just so happens you are extremely likeable.
You're the type of person that doesn't just eat a bowl of cereal, you'll eat the entire packet. Why bother with the washing up when you can just pour milk straight into the plastic packet? It's called a 'life-hack' dummy!
You'll sit in your living room all day with the curtains drawn, watching cartoons, taking three puffs on the Devil's Lettuce before passing it on to one of your dank housemates.
Fruit 'n Fibre
How is the liberal metropolitan elite these days? You definitely voted Remain and angrily chew through your nutritious breakfast every morning while watching the news and seeing the latest destruction the Brexiteers are bringing to our country.
You know that kid got bullied so bad he killed himself? Don't be so heartless by continuing to buy into such a corrupt corporation.
You’ve only been at uni one year yet you’ve absolutely gone for it and already been ravaged by drugs. When you added Special K to your Tesco online order you definitely weren’t expecting a wholesome bowl of wheat and barley flakes. Please try to not dribble when your parents come to visit.
When exactly were your tastebuds removed? A science experiment gone wrong, chomping down mouthful after mouthful of razor-sharp squares caked in inches of cinnamon.
I bet you also douse every other meal in ketchup, vile.
YAAAS! FUUUN! KWEEEN! The basic bitch of cereals. Sure, they snap, crackle and pop, but after a couple of times the novelty wears off. Just like how having everything you do documented in an Instagram story gets tiresome.
You could have been just another member of Fiat 500 Twitter eating Rice Krispies but Pete Wentz was too hot and Kerrang! wasn't going to read itself. Now the sugary taste of Ricicles just make you misty-eyed remembering how perfect Myspace was. Rawr xD
Rice Krispie Multi-Grain
I know we've made a lot of jokes about certain cereals making you immature, but honestly. Rice. Krispie. Multi. Grain. It's literally for toddlers. The cereal equivalent of a rusk biscuit. Get a grip.
Getting up for uni rowing at 5am every morning isn't something to be proud of, it's an incredibly poor life decision. Anyone could get in a boat with three other blokes dressed in lycra before the sun rises, but it doesn't mean you should. There are better choices out there.
How is retirement treating you?