5 things guaranteed to happen at graduation

You’ve spent the last three years stressing over deadlines, living on Tesco meal-deals, and crying in the Sydney Jones library. Now, the day is finally here. You’ve secured the perfect outfit, paid an extortionate amount for official photos, and managed to bag guest tickets for the family.

It seems obligatory to post, but how are you going to tell the world that you finally secured that degree? A LinkedIn post feels too formal? Reposting your friends stories feels too subtle? Word of mouth feels too egotistical? How about all three.

Whether you’re graduating this week or just watching the chaos unfold on Instagram, there is no escaping graduation season. But behind the polished LinkedIn posts and aesthetic holding-the-degree photos, graduation day is historically chaotic. Combine heavy polyester gowns with a Liverpool heatwave, and things are bound to go left.

From the Mount Pleasant drama to the sweatbox that is the Philharmonic Hall, here are five things guaranteed to happen at your Liverpool graduation.

Someone falls

It sounds brutal, and honestly, it is. But with hundreds of graduates walking across that stage every single day, the laws of physics dictate that someone will eat pavement.

Whether it’s down to sheer nerves, a few too many pre-ceremony proseccos, a tragic heel-related miscalculation, or simply tripping over their own gown. The possibilities are endless. If Madonna can stack it at the BRIT Awards, so can Joe from Cornwall graduating with his 2:1 in Business Management.

The worst part? It’s being broadcast in high-definition on the university livestream for all your extended family to watch in real-time. Everyone in the audience will politely pretend they didn’t see, but let’s be real: we all saw. How could anyone have missed it? It is simply too difficult to pretend it hasn’t happened.

A fall from grace. Followed by the walk of shame back to your seat. Unlucky.

At least now you have a reason to go TikTok viral x

Someone will overdo it on stage

@liverpooluni

We’d by lying if we said we hadn’t watched this 500+ times 🫣 #foryoupage #livuni #uni #university #graduate #graduation #uniofliverpool

♬ original sound – niupi.pluss

There is always one. While most people are content with a polite smile, a handshake, and a quick exit, someone will decide that the graduation stage is the perfect venue to showcase their performing arts GCSE.

Whether it’s a cheeky backflip, a dramatic pose, or trying to get a dead crowd to start a chant (very Guild President energy), the results are always mixed. Sometimes it lands, but most of the time it just radiates pure, unadulterated cringe.

Honestly, the bar was set incredibly high by the absolute legend who decided to do the full splits on stage. Unless you can top that, maybe just stick to a wave.

A family argument breaks out

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You left your house at 10:00 AM. Nobody has eaten since breakfast. Your ceremony isn’t until 4:00 PM. This is a recipe for absolute disaster.

Graduation day involves spending way too many hours trapped with your entire family in the sweltering heat. By the time you get inside the Philharmonic Hall, which has zero air conditioning, everyone is hangry, sweating, and on their last nerve.

And the restaurant you booked for after… wait, I didn’t book it? Did you?

Suddenly, your sibling is refusing to speak to you because you’re officially the “favourite child” now, your mum has managed to sneak five complimentary glasses of prosecco (they’re for the graduates, Jane.) and your dad is fuming because the only place left with a free table is a vegan, gluten-free burger restaurant that costs £40 a head. Happy graduation!

Name butchering

With hundreds of names to read out, the guest speaker is bound to lose their mind at some point.

At least one name will be butchered so confidently and catastrophically that you’ll genuinely wonder if you’ve stood in the wrong queue. You’ll walk across the stage in a daze, wondering who “Johnathan Smith-ington” actually is.

Alternatively, you’ll be the unfortunate soul who walks immediately after the loudest, most obnoxious family in the venue. Their air horns and screaming will completely drown out your, and the next five, names being read.

Wardrobe malfunction

Gowns are not designed for summer, and they are certainly not designed to be flattering.

Especially with this years heatwave, prepare yourself for some truly impressive sweat patches. Wearing heavy polyester over a nice outfit while trapped in a stuffy hall is an extreme sport.

Did I mention there’s no aircon in the Philharmonic?

Between trying to pin your cap so it doesn’t fly off in the breeze on Hope Street, dealing with a suit or dress that suddenly feels way too tight after a year of takeaway-fueled studying, and praying your outfit stays securely fastened as you walk across the stage, the wardrobe anxiety is real.

Just double-check your safety pins before you leave the house.

Featured image via TikTok