Ranking The Celebrity Traitors cast by their chaos factor after the perfect first episode

The Celebrity Traitors had its naysayers before it debuted last night, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who witnessed that spectacular bit of reality TV last night to maintain it was anything less than perfect. I was concerned the presence of celebs who’ve likely mostly met each other before might make the dynamic feel off, but thanks to the cast of The Celebrity Traitors clearly all being huge fans of the show and fully committing to its camp and treacherous nature – it’s brilliant. And hilarious. Seeing recognisable figures doing the Traitors shtick was HILARIOUS, and this cast are all giving. Here’s a ranking after day one of The Celebrity Traitors of the whole cast and their chaos factor for the series ahead.

19. Kate Garraway (The least chaos)

Dead last on the chaos scale is Kate Garraway. She’s not got it in her, I fear. She’s got a sensible energy. A true Faithful. Maybe she’ll prove me wrong.

18. Nick Mohammed

You can’t be causing any chaos if you’re being so chivalrous as to just help out Celia Imrie rather than competing. I adore Celia Imrie as much as the next person but come on, lad. Get your head in the game.

@wossy

17. Tameka Empson

Can’t imagine much chaos looms when she turned up slaying in a red trouser suit. She looked unreal but considering she was being prissy about getting it muddy in the graves I fear the chaos factor is low.

16. David Olusaga

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A celebrated historian who so far has been very mild mannered. He doesn’t seem like someone who’d get in much of a flap, but maybe he’ll cause chaos by identifying a Traitor at the roundtable with him being all big brained and that.

15. Joe Marler

I think Joe Marler wants to cause chaos but it’s not giving chaos. It’s giving takes winning very seriously and thinks he’s hilarious.

14. Charlotte Church

Mother to all and someone who actively helps the chaos by sacrificing her shield after Clare Balding royally ballsed up. I was sheepish to mention it, but Charlotte Church did cause some chaos last night – albeit unintentionally. It’s a bit uncouth for me to tell you why, but I’m sure Twitter will inform you considering there were about 100 memes about a certain one of her assets. Ahem.

13. Mark Bonnar

He literally only plays villains, and I’m sure some of that villainy has seeped into the nice guy persona. Might not have seen much of it yet but give him time.

12. Tom Daley

Too nice to be true chaos but I fear that niceness slips into a different kind of chaos: Gullibility. It took Alan Carr next to no time to plant a random seed that Celia Imrie and Clare Balding were sus and Tom Daley was all over it. Gobbled it up.

11. Ruth Codd

some of these people are fucking MEGA celebrities and then there’s ruth codd whoever that is (no offense ruth I’m sure you’re lovely) #traitors

— O’B (@amyohbey) October 8, 2025

Perfect kind of chaos because no one knows her that well and she has a suspicious glint in her eye. She’s a Faithful but would have devoured as a Traitor. Maybe she’d have enjoyed it a bit too much.

10. Lucy Beaumont

Top 10 of The Celebrity Traitors cast ranking and we’re now in true chaos agent territory. Lucy Beaumont didn’t get much time in the spotlight in that first episode but knowing her sense of humour I fear hijinks await.

9. Celia Imrie

A literal national treasure, but a dark horse. Not only is she a spectacular actress should she ever need to flex those chops, you saw how she actually proved for her age she’s still in amazing shape and has a lot of physical strength. She’d have been a great and chaotic Traitor.

8. Paloma Faith

Cat Burns and Paloma Faith doctor companion moodboard pic.twitter.com/LTEOBTUSjB

— river (@milkandglitter) October 8, 2025

She’s lowkey the living embodiment of chaos in everything she does and says but so far seems to be on her best behaviour. Chaos looms though because it’s Paloma Faith and it literally follows her.

7. Niko Omilana

For those who’ve seen any content from Niko on YouTube, you know what tricks he has up his sleeve. Thankfully he only uses them for good in real life, but when we’re on The Traitors the gloves are OFF.

6. Stephen Fry

Thankfully for everyone’s sake in The Celebrity Traitors chaos ranking, Stephen Fry was cast as a Faithful and doesn’t get to use his famous intelligence for powers of deception. That keeps him out the top five, but he’s still got chaos potential considering how clever a Traitors hunter he’s going to be in that roundtable room.

5. Joe Wilkinson

Truly a machiavellian demon for how hilarious he is and the level of DRY he manages to be that hilarious with. It’s a feat. No one in that room will be able to crack him. He’d have been TOO powerful as a Traitor.

4. Cat Burns

This is the perfect kind of celeb on this ranking of The Celebrity Traitors cast who can cause maximum chaos – because no one suspects it of her. It’s the Amanda effect. The Mina effect. The amiable and personable one no one imagines is doing maximum damage. Not famous enough to constantly have all eyes on her either. Chef’s kiss. Winner potential.

3. Jonathan Ross

I’d have bet my house on Wossy getting chosen to be a Traitor and, sure enough! Whilst it’s not the most titillating choice in terms of unexpectedness – I do think he has a penchant for games and winning and being devious. Chaos lurks in his veins.

Clare Balding trying to put in multiple guesses #TheTraitors #Traitors #CelebrityTraitors pic.twitter.com/iTx73g7H0g

— Jordan & Bailey (@TVqueertiques) October 8, 2025

2. Clare Balding

Wildcard second place goes to The Balding for that disgraceful chaos she caused by pulling the lever wrong in the mission. So chaotically daft and seeing her fuming at herself was the icing on the cake. Bless her.

1. Alan Carr (THE MOST CHAOS)

… in a Traitors cloak on a secret murder in plain sight mission. This is only episode one. Say no more.

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