Just 32 pieces of unhinged landlord propaganda students are categorically not falling for

If you’ve spent any time on TikTok this week, you’ll know that everyone and their dog has started opening up about the trends, and general bits and bobs that they really just can’t get behind – including the “propaganda I’m not falling for” trend. From matcha lattes to labubus, we’ve all got our little personal bugbears that we’ll happily roll our eyes at whenever we hear about them.

The same goes for university students. Most of us have bashed the concept of 9am lectures and expensive food shops at some point, not to mention complaining about some of the wacky comments our landlords have thrown at us during the year. With dissertation and deadline season over, students are saying goodbye to their damp and dingy rentals, and embracing the return of a shower with decent water pressure. Oh, and kitchen counters that aren’t covered in mysterious sticky substances.

We’ve all been there, and it’s not pretty. Student landlords are never going to be the most attentive types, but the bare minimum might be to treat the patch of black mould over the bed, and not just paint over it. But what do we know?

Here’s every piece of wildly unhinged landlord propaganda that you’re bound to have experienced at least once in your lifetime, and definitely not fallen for. To all the freshers out there, prepare yourselves. It’s a rough old ride. Here are 32 bits of landlord chaos we’ve all lived through, as the “propaganda I’m not falling for” trend.

1. You don’t need a viewing, the house is just like the photos

I fully trust that the curtains aren’t covered in mould, there’s no funky smell, and my wardrobe actually has a door on it.

2. The old tenants didn’t report a single issue

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What a dream!

3. That wardrobe wasn’t broken when you moved in

Of course, I was totally the one that ripped it off its hinges and punched a hole in the mirror.

4. We’ll leave you a hoover and an ironing board

Alexa, play The Bare Necessities on Spotify.

5. If you can’t see the rats, they’re not there anymore

What you can’t see won’t hurt you, right? RIGHT?

6. The same goes for mice, silverfish, flies and snails

At least there’s someone to keep me company when I’m listening to scratching in the walls at 3am.

7. The rats are there because you don’t take the bins out

I’ll ignore that big hole behind the fridge then. And the one in the living room.

8. It’s your responsibility to keep the garden tidy

Ah yes, our personal pub garden that doubles up as an allotment, an outdoor skip, a smoking area and a landfill site.

9. Painting over black mould means it doesn’t exist anymore

Can you hear me coughing over the sound of your nonsense?

10. It wasn’t even mould in the first place, it’s just mildew

My bad!

11. You’ve got a chest infection because you vape too much

I’m never beating the student allegations.

12. You’ve got a migraine because you drink too much

Just because I was hungover when the maintenance guy came does not mean I haven’t got mould poisoning.

13. All showers come with a foot bath, there’s nothing wrong with the drains

I love it when landlords offer me the full spa experience every morning.

14. That smell isn’t damp, it’s just an old house

Someone told me my clothes smelled stale the other day. Help me.

15. You’ve got an uncapped heating bill

Then why is the meter always set to 18.5 degrees?

16. Your house is luxurious because you’ve got a washer AND dryer

#blessed.

17. The dryer will definitely not shrink your clothes

I didn’t want that t-shirt anyway.

18. Your wi-fi is top of the range, honestly

Then why have we wiped Amazon out of wi-fi extenders? You tell me.

19. We’ll come and fix that in the morning

Never to be seen again.

20. We replace all the white goods every year

I didn’t realise fridges came with their own mysterious brown goo nowadays?

21. You can live without hot water for a few days

It always happens in December. Always.

22. Bed bugs are totally normal

Yippee! More little friends to hang out with.

23. We did a deep clean before you moved in

It’s fine, I totally didn’t notice the pubes on the toilet seat, or the pair of dirty boxers in my drawer.

24. Slugs in the sink is totally normal

Did someone say MORE friends? I’ll start charging them rent at this point.

24. Heating isn’t a necessity

If you saw me in the library wrapped in a blanket every day last term, don’t ask questions.

25. It’s your responsibility to change the lightbulbs

My student loan does not cover splashing a tenner on a G6 every two weeks.

26. All the bedrooms are a decent size

My body can’t tell the difference between being held at gunpoint and spinning a wheel to decide the bedrooms.

27. It’s normal to pay rent over the summer, even if you’re not there

Does this mean I have a holiday home now? So boujee.

28. You can’t contact the council, it’s not that bad

Me and the EHO are in a bit of a situationship at the minute.

29. The hot water is just a bit temperamental

There’s no better feeling than being attacked with ice cold water in the shower at 7am.

30. The rent has only gone up a little bit

That extra £5 a month is eating away at my pint fund.

31. We’ll contact you before any future house viewings

Never have I ever been walked in on by a bunch of freshers when I’m tucked up in bed?

32. The hob works, you just have to finesse it a bit

My condolences go out to all the pieces of dry spaghetti that have been burnt to get the hob to light. RIP.

Student houses are truly the gift we didn’t want, need or ask for. I can’t wait to befriend another family of mice next year.

The “propaganda I’m not falling for” trend has kept us fed, but I don’t think I could relive these traumas again even if you paid me.