We ranked Sheffield students’ Spotify wrapped

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and we’re not talking about the end of the first semester. Spotify Wrapped finally dropped, and I’ve taken it upon myself to rank what Sheffield students listened to this year. My qualifications include waking up on Wednesday and being confronted by one hundred Instagram Stories of people showing off their basic music taste, myself included.

Whether you were having a Brat summer or prefer to go for something more underground, you best believe I will have an opinion on it. The biggest shock is that no one’s top artist is Arctic Monkeys (isn’t that supposed to be the main personality trait of anyone from Sheffield?)

Sad pop princess

If your number one and two artists are Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande, I have to ask: Are you okay? These pop icons released some heartbreaking albums this year, and it seems you had them on repeat. At least you broke up the sad bops with some R&B with SZA and some country with Beyoncé. The tension between numbers one and three is the cherry on top for this Spotify Wrapped. But don’t worry; Ari is in the middle saying one thing: Yes, and? What a bop for your number-one song. I definitely approve. With this lineup, life’s not better on Saturn; it’s wherever you are in charge of the AUX. 

Average Leeds Fest Lineup

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I would have enjoyed this type of music back in the day, but I am not 14 anymore. Your music looks like you asked ChatGPT to create a typical Leeds/Reading lineup. You love wearing plaid flannel and Dr. Martens and saying things like, “I don’t know. I guess I’m just a chill guy.” We can find you in Washy’s smoking area complaining that you liked your top artists before it was cool and clinging to your youth (we’ve all been there). I’m sure your top five are good. But just good. 

Indie softboy starter pack

Your top songs say, “Hey, I’m cool.” But your top artist says, “Hey, I need to talk to someone.” I love Noah Khan, but you lose points because Northern Attitude (with Hozier) isn’t up there. Don’t worry; you gain them back again because Stick Season isn’t in your top five either.

I had no idea who Paolo Nutini was until I looked his song up on Spotify, but, of course, everyone has heard Last Request. What a tune! I don’t completely hate this Spotify Wrapped – well done. 1,767 minutes is rookie, though – in 2025, let’s strive for the top 1 per cent. 

Rachel Berry’s idea of a good time

I totally forgot Can’t Fight The Moonlight existed, but I feel like I’ve been taken back to my childhood. I’m obsessed with the fact Glee cast made it into your top artists but less impressed that Lea Michelle’s cover of Don’t Rain On My Parade or Creep isn’t on the list. You have two Short n’ Sweet songs up there, but neither are her best (justice for Good Graces!) This is one of the better Spotify Wrapped lists I’ve looked at since it came out last week. Pat yourself on the back (or post it to your Instagram story. It’s the same thing.)

My mother’s best friend

I’m going to give you my Mum’s number because you two would get on like a (relit) house on fire. It’s a Take That joke, get it? I fear someone who isn’t a student has infiltrated this list because I don’t know anyone below 40 who listens to Elvis unironically. Take That does have some bangers, but Pray, really? I pray that you do better next year. I’m actually dying to know if you have anything in your Spotify Wrapped that was released in the last two decades. That’s not even a roast; I’m genuinely concerned. At least you don’t follow trends, you like what you like and you’re not afraid to let people know. That takes courage!

Hot girl energy

When I looked up your top song, I thought, “Oh my,” and then I thought, “You know what, hell yeah.” I respect your dedication to playing a song no one knows on repeat all year (I asked around.) This being said, I can’t deny that your Spotify wrap is giving hot girl energy. Chappell at number one is a total serve. I only wish your top song of the year was hers so I could be nosey and judge that, too. My top five was also made up of solo female artists, and I have to congratulate us, as the best Spotify wrapped are full of feminine energy. 

The best Spotify wrapped you will ever see

Wow, it’s almost like this Spotify Wrapped is total perfection. I say almost because if it were perfection, Ethel Cain’s Knuckle Velvet would be number two in your top songs. Your Wrapped is not very diverse, but that doesn’t matter because who needs to listen to anything else when you can listen to Preacher’s Daughter for 12 hours a day? Being in the top 0.005 per cent of American Teenager listeners when that’s her most viral song and you only discovered it in July is very impressive. Oh, how do I know that? I promise this isn’t my own Wrapped. Just kidding — it is. (Please don’t listen to Ethel Cain; I’m trying to gatekeep her.)

Featured image via @BenjaminElliot on Unsplash