These Reddit first-date horror stories are so bad you’ll never make eye contact with a man again

All these first date horror stories from Reddit will make you wish you could time travel past the dating stage to mutual monogamy like a MAFS UK contestant.

Footwear thieves? Police arrests? A disturbing amount of sh*t? The first date stories on Reddit have seen it all. Just be warned that you may lose all faith in romance and struggle to even watch a rom-com again.

So, here are the most awkward, cringe-inducing and disturbing first date stories that Reddit had to offer:

Surely this is a medical problem?

“He took me roller skating and he threw up four times, twice on me, once on the way the bathroom and once on his Mum when she came to pick us up. He didn’t come back to school and I didn’t ever see him again.”

Talk about feeling second best

“She admitted to getting a booty call while we were sitting with drinks. After a trip to the restroom, I returned to the table and she was just gone. Hit to the ego!”

@iftheshoefitswearit

Yeah I wont be letting a man pick me up for a first date ever again 😂 #catfish #firstdate #storytime

♬ original sound – If The Shoe Fits

I’m so sorry you went through this, random Reddit person

“I met a guy on Tinder and we spoke at length of snapchat for weeks. I was so excited to meet him!

“I took him for a beer at a local quiet and intimate brewhouse. He showed up drunk, and opened with a commentary about how I’ll be fun as I am large-chested and 4’9, and thus ‘a walking tit-job'”.

“He yelled anti-Asian slurs across the bar when a minor fender bender happened just outside the pub. He told me in heavy, graphic detail about his morning bowl movements’ liquidity. He gave me the explicit recounting of his first time going down on a woman on her period.

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“He ended the evening by yelling at me when I said I was going to call it a night.”

Should’ve bought some crayons

“We met up for coffee. He brought his toddler. I had no idea he even had a toddler. I was so shocked by the situation I had no idea how to even acknowledge that it was happening.”

This is oddly romantic?

Just dropping this rom-com style pic of my friends here incase these Reddit first date stories made you lose all faith in love x

“Had a pickup truck, couple lawn chairs, happened to be the 4th of July. After dinner, we found a good spot, I set up the chairs and sodas in the bed of the truck. All good. We’re watching fireworks, I went to get a drink out of the cooler, bent sideways to grab the cooler and busted a 65dB fart right at her as I reached for the cooler. I look at her, she looks at me, we both shrugged.

“Been married to her for 34 years.”

This is so awkward it’s like a cringe comedy sitcom

“On one of my first ever dates, I took a girl I really liked from school to the cinema. During the ads I went to the bathroom and when I came back the movie had started. As it was really dark I sat back in what I thought was my seat. Turns out I was sitting two rows behind her beside another girl and a guy. I didn’t realise til the lights came on at the end. I must have been too nervous to realise.”

A disastrous car ride

“I went to pick her up. She insisted on driving her car instead. Within 20 minutes, she ran a stop sign and got us t-boned. She tried to beg the other (completely not at fault) driver to not call the police, which of course made him call even faster.

“She then confesses to me that she doesn’t have an active driver’s license and was borrowing her friend’s car. So why the fuck did she insist on driving when I was already planning on driving?

“Once the cops arrived and I was assured that I was in the clear, I got the hell out of there.”

Should’ve invoiced him for petrol money

“I’m like maybe 21 years old and meet some dude when I’m super drunk. Apparently I give him my number. He calls me when I’m on break at my waitressing job and asks me to hang out that night. I don’t even remember what he looks like, but I don’t get asked out a lot, so I’m like whatevs, I’ll meet him. He asks if I can pick him up cuz he doesn’t have a car. I say sure.

“I meet him at a random parking lot where someone drops him off. Great start. Then he asks if we can make a quick stop. He spends like 20 minutes banging on this door and screaming until some dude opens it up and lets us in. They proceed to get high together while I stand there awkwardly. They offered me some, but I’m not about to get high with two strange men. Then he asks if I want to go to a bar with them. I end up dropping them off at the bar and leaving. Basically I was this guys chauffeur for the night so he could get high with his friend.”

Hun you need some anti-histamines xxx

“New city, got hit with horrible pollen allergies and we had a date outside. I sneezed at least 100 times on our 45 minute date, which is more than 1 sneeze per minute. My eyes were watering and bloodshot from so much sneezing and everyone was staring at us. Did not get a second date.”

@stuckonearth22

She is too funny 🤣 #funnyvideos #stuckonearth22 #date #viraltiktok #firstdate #daughter #storytime #funny @Tina ❤️❤️❤️

♬ original sound – Stuckonearth22

This sounds like a trial on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

“I went to a movie with him and he snuck in brownies his mum made (we were maybe 16?). While he still had a mouthful of chewed up brownie, he tried to make out with me. The feeling of crunchy, wet, and walnut bits was utterly repulsive.”

I would just move

“A man who I wasn’t that into, but gave a chance, shat himself in my home and asked for a bag to put his underwear in.”

I wouldn’t just delete Tinder. I’d destroy my whole phone

“He got his car towed after I told him to not park in that specific lot next to the place we were heading into. Proceeded to get trashed after we discovered his car got towed (at the bar I was working at during the time) -86’d by the owner. I bought him an Uber home, he told me he loved me as he was getting inside the car. Uber driver called me and said ‘to never request a ride for someone else without telling the driver because he (my date) was a dick’. Dude got home and then proceeded to send me selfies of himself taking a shit.

“I deleted Tinder after that.”

Surely there are easier ways to steal footwear?

“Met him first time for dinner that night. Out of a sudden he held my foot, took off my shoe and ran away with it. Never saw him or the shoe again.”

New awkwardness level unlocked

“On a first date a guy started telling me the story of how his dog died, and began crying in the bubble tea cafe. It was so awkward. I was late to meeting my friends after because I was just about to leave when he said that, but I felt like I couldn’t just get up and walk out on a crying guy.”

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