How to pull using the new Instagram Notes feature without looking like a total pick me

“Thanks. I hate it,” was the overwhelming response to Instagram Notes when Meta introduced endless status bubbles above everyone’s DMs last week. And, although it might look like BBM has had a resurgence, I’m telling you, we can use this feature for good. For flirting.

Thanks to Instagram Notes, You don’t even need a pictures of your dog, cleavage, or tan lines, to get attention anymore. Make way for the future. Take my hand, I’ll show you the way:

Okay, but what are Instagram Notes anyway?

Instagram Notes are essentially the same as Facebook statuses but they only last 24-hours and can only include 60 characters of text or emojis. You can use them for recommendations, to say how you’re feeling etc etc. But, most importantly you can use them to start conversations. Conversations with hot people. Hot people who’ve been ignoring you until now.

Yup, this just revolutionised the DM sliding game. You can target your little 60 word update to make the person you desperately want to snog notice you. We all remember doing this on MSN and Facebook. But, let’s be honest, we all look back at that era and cringe. It was so bait.

Well, Instagram Notes are better— because not everybody has to see them.

How do I use Instagram Notes for hot DMs without being a pick me?

Essentially, the answer to getting all the attention your horny little heart deserves (without looking pathetic) is the Instagram Notes close friends option. Unlike with stories, Instagram won’t notify the people on your Notes close friends list that they’re in an exclusive club. So, nobody has to know the embarrassing truth of what you’re up to.

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You could add just one man into your Notes list, heavily manipulate him and he’d never know you’re targeting every message to him alone. You could add your entire hoetation roster and see who comes back with the best response to “who’s out tonight?”.

Options, options, options.

And the best part is, you won’t have to worry about weirdos sliding in your DMs anymore because now everybody is officially your type, hand selected by you.

Instagram Notes ideas for hoes:

What you want to do once you’ve curated a list of possible dates/shags/life partners, is trap them into messaging you. Write a 60 character status so witty, charming or unhinged they can’t resist responding.

The ideal option is, obviously, something tailored to them: Ask someone to go with you to their favourite restaurant, ask who wants to go see the latest film by their favourite director, ask where’s the best place to shop for trainers knowing their whole personality is streetwear.

But in case you want to cast the net far and wide, here are some generic suggestions that will lure just about anyone:

• Oops. In the hospital
• Why can’t we just print more money???
• Who wants to snog
• If you see this, I fancy you

Related stories recommended by the writer:

• Hinge questions: The best profile answers to get the most matches

• This is how to start a conversation on Tinder: The best dating app openers

• How to tell if the person you’re seeing is still using Tinder